Giving up?

So I made an appointment to meet with my doctor the first week in September. It was the only time she had available before school starts. When I went in June her advice for getting pregnant again was to "relax and exercise". Obviously that ISN'T working. So I made an appointment. Bad thing is that even if something is wrong with me, the earliest I would be able to see results would likely be October. October is a bad time of year for me now.

When I lost Taylor I told myself I could wait to get pregnant. I'm goal oriented so I set goals for when I wanted to get pregnant. It worked for all my other pregnancies (except for Taylor who was a complete surprise) My friend was due with a baby in June, I could be knocked up by the time she had her baby, couldn't I? Another friend was trying to get pregnant, and my goal was to get pregnant before or when she did. Yeah, she's into her second trimester now! Then, my goal was to get pregnant before the gal at work did, well, she's 10 weeks today! Then the goal was to get pregnant by the time school starts in Sept. That's not working so well either. Now my goal is to be pregnant by my 31st birthday, because that day is one year from when I started to miscarry.

So after getting off the phone with the doctor this morning Tony asked me very quietly when I was going to stop trying to get pregnant. I want to say never, but I can't be this emotionally stressed each month when it doesn't work. Tony is stressed out too. He told me that he doesn't want another kid, and maybe God doesn't plan for us to have anymore either. I know my husband means well and is worried about me and my strong desire for another child, but it just wasn't what I wanted to hear (of course I'd never want to hear that). So now I sit wondering, when do I give in to God and give up? When will I look at my boys and think our family is complete? When will I be able to pack up all the baby things and get rid of them? I don't know, and I don't want to set a time or a goal for me to give up. But I think I will have to sometime if something doesn't work soon.