Two weeks old

Cooper Alan, you are two weeks old today. It is amazing how fast the time goes by. You've grown so be in just 2 weeks. You are now 21 1/2 inches long and weigh in at 9 lbs. 2 oz. Your eyesight is alreay improving and you will turn your head to look at someone new. Your big brothers adore you and are great helpers with you; fetching diapers, giving you your binky, and talking to you to keep you happy. Everyone likes to ask how you are sleeping, and you sleep, but never when Mommy wants you to. You are starting to get into some kind of routine and will often sleep 3 hours in a stretch at night. I think I'm doing surprisingly well for being sleep deprived and not having any caffeine to stay awake. For the most part you are an easy going baby. You go everywhere the family goes and let just about anyone hold you. I'm still your favorite person though; I've got the food. I am constantly amazed at how strong you are. You can already pick your head up and turn it to the other side when you are on your tummy. I try to take time each day to just look at you. I marvel at the miracle you are, how perfect you are, and how fast you are growing.

How far along: Two Weeks post-partum

Weight gain (or loss): -13 pounds from when I went to the hospital

Cravings: Milk, chocolate still, ice cream!

Good moments: Every time you look at me with your milky little smile, watching you sleep and your facial expressions changing, watching you nurse and your love of food, just about everytime you're not screaming, which isn't often. Oh, and being able to sleep on my stomach again, not that I sleep that much though.

What I miss: Feeling you kick me from inside, trying to play "what's that body part?" I also miss having clothes that look good on me. All my 3rd trimester clothes hang on my body, while my normal clothes are still too tight. Many of my shirts are either too loose in the belly area and obviously maternity clothes, or too tight in the bust and gut and show my not-so-flattering belly. I'm going to have to do some digging to find my "fat" clothes.

Cooper's Birthday!

Here is me the day before I was induced; 8/3/2010.
To make it easier to read (and for me to type one handed) I'll just add captions to these pictures and then write up the details of the last 48 hours when I'm not holding a baby in one arm.

He weighed in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces, and was 20 inches long. He's the lightest of all my boys.

His lungs work fine and he was unimpressed with his bath.

After being held all night by me, Tony got Cooper to sleep alone so I could eat breakfast.

Daddy time!

All my boys together!

Cooper's first car ride.

He's just waking up.

My plan vs. God's plan

Those of you who know me well (like anyone who reads this doesn't know me), you know I am not a patient person. I'm a type A personality planner. This makes me a great teacher and family scheduler. I can coordinate and often have several things going on at once.
Nothing is more frustrating to me than not having a plan. I like knowing what my day could and should look like, much less my weeks and months ahead. One thing this entire last year has taught me: God has a plan and you can't make it yours. I've struggled to grasp this concept since I became a Christian 10 years ago. I've always believed that you can control lots (most) of what happens in your life. One thing I've had to learn you can't plan though is babies.
I got pregnant unexpectedly two years ago when Carson was barely a year old. I remember I spent most of that summer off feeling really sick and being mad at God for messing up MY plan. Just when I was starting to accept that I was pregnant and was getting excited for a new baby, I found out she died.
After being one of the most fertile people on earth, I experienced 6 months of unexplained infertility. I was desperately trying all the supplements and prayer I knew to become pregnant after Taylor died. It was this time last year, I was talking with a friend about my frustrations and she told me I needed to let it all go and give in to God's plan. Sounds easy right? NOT! I spent two months just trying to let it all go. Instead of praying each day to be pregnant, I had to learn to pray to learn to trust God and that his plan would work for me. Lo, and behold, once I REALLY started believing in what I was praying for, I got pregnant. People often think I planned this pregnancy for the summer being a teacher, but this pregnancy was the most unplanned pregnancy. I'd given up and assumed I was somehow infertile and was going to pursue further testing/ treatment after the holidays were over. Well, God's plan became my plan.
Fast forward nine months. I've never had a pregnancy go this long before. Being the planner I am, I planned my summer up until my due date, leaving some flexibility in case I had this baby early, but not late! I never thought I would be sitting here almost a week overdue with no more signs of labor starting than a week ago. For the last 5 days I've had to again re-arrange my thoughts and prayers. Instead of praying for labor (or my water breaking) I've been praying that God's got it all planned out and he will give me a healthy baby. Giving up my plans has been so very difficult. I don't give up anything very easy, and giving in to God is humbling. My husband would testify that life at our house is crazy right now and I'm at the center of most of the chaos. I figure if I can just give in to God's plan and give all my worries and labor stress to him, I will sleep better at night and just maybe go into labor soon. With there being no signs of labor starting, I do keep hoping for my water to break so at least I'll be heading in the right direction soon.

Tick...Tick...Tick...Tick..

.... that's the sound of my biological clock ticking down. I only wish the clock would tell me how much time is left until I have this baby. I am officially overdue with this baby and have also lost all composure and compassion. It is August 1st. I'm supposed to be holding a baby now, not waiting for labor to start. I'm starting to go crazy with waiting.
I am tired, averaging only 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Why? I get contractions most nights. Not that they are serious enough for me to get excited and wake up Tony, but they are painful enough to wake me out of a dead sleep. I'm VERY uncomfortable. This baby has dropped and usually sits right on my bladder which contributes to 10-12 trips to the toilet a day. The veins in my legs are bothering me again so I'm back to stuffing myself into support stockings every morning to keep me more comfortable.
I've grown tired of people everywhere giving me a shocked look when they see me. Tony and I went to dinner the other night and the waitress saw me walk in and really loudly said, "Whoa!". The cashier at the grocery store asked when I was due, and when I told her last week she was all, "Oh, you poor thing!". I'm so tired of explaining that I'm past my due date and then dealing with the advice from everyone about what to do to start labor! Believe me people, I've tried it all. Only two things I've not done; Castor oil and black/blue cohosh. I won't do either of those because of problems caused during labors.
The loving and caring wife and mother I am has been replaced by a hormonal, fire-breathing dragon. It takes only a phone call or silly comment to push me to tears and over the edge. My husband has been great about not being judgemental and just letting me cry everything out.
SO...... when am I going to have this baby? I'm hoping that 7 days would be enough time for Cooper to help me dilate and efface more than just 1 cm and 50%. I was supposed to be induced this last Thursday, the 29th; my due date. At my appt. Tuesday though, my doctor was concerned that if I were induced, I wouldn't progress and would wind up with a C-section. Not what I wanted to hear. So my next appointment is this Tuesday, and if things are hopefully improved from last week, she plans to induce on Wednesday.
I am frustrated. I was patient up until my due date, then the craziness started. If you'd asked me if I'd go overdue with this baby, I would have said never! My parents are flying out to Alabama this next week even, and will likely be missing Cooper's birth. I'm bummed of course because my mom has been there when Colten and Carson were born. Knowing my mom isn't going to be here has certainly contributed to the crying jags.
Even with all this complaining (yeah, I know I'm a whiner), I do need to be thankful. This baby is still very healthy. He's squirmy enough still that I can be reassured that he is still doing well in there and being overdue isn't affecting him. I also do know some women that were due the same week as me and had their babies early, really early, and they have had health problems. I'm very eager to meet my little guy, but I'd like him healthy when I do.

Summer Fun

Colten did two weeks of soccer camp this summer. We haven't done any of the big sports teams with the boys, mostly because we want to have time at home to just let them be boys and not schedule our lives around practices and games. This was his first experience with soccer other than playing with friends at school. He really enjoyed the camps and I was impressed with the size, location, cost, and attention of the camp. Colten liked it so much we're looking into more soccer camp or team for this fall.

The boys are making pizza with my mom here.

The boys are sure excited for whenever Cooper will arrive. They are always patting and talking to my belly, telling Cooper to hurry up and get out!

Ready to POP!

Yeah, that's me. I am ready to pop! I've been so good about not complaining about the aches and pains of being pregnant (I wouldn't let myself), this post will most likely be the whiniest so far. I am exhausted and ready to have this baby NOW! I am sore and achy with every step or move I make. Sleep is almost impossible; I average only 4-5 hours a night. I'm up frequently to pee, my waddle is SO noticeable, and my temper is nasty. Cooper has dropped which is good, but I still can't breath deeply and get lots of rib pain from his bottom and legs bruising the inside of my ribs. All that said, here's my (hopefully last) stats.

How far along: 38 weeks!
Weight Gain: +3 pounds, so I'm at almost 40 pounds total. Pretty good for me!
Cravings: Pineapple and cottage cheese
Contractions: Oh Yeah! The regularly start at 3-4 a.m. and then fizzle out once I have to get up and start my day. They HURT and get my attention but don't progress into labor, but have made progress!
Dilation and effacement: 2 cm and 50%! That was the best news this last week.
Good moments: Being told I'm at least progressing, Cooper has DROPPED (which accounts for all the back and pelvic pain I'm getting), and my doctor told me we will talk an induction date at this week's appointment on Thursday! I'd much rather go into labor on my own, but I'm so miserable I'm ready to be forced into labor. I'm still loving every time he moves, even when it wakes me up.
What I miss: Sleep, walking comfortably, breathing, clothes fitting.... so many to choose from. All of those are things I miss, but still, knowing that the end is coming soon (in 2 weeks) I can still revel in the good times.

36 weeks and progress!

I am 36 weeks pregnant! At my appointment yesterday my doctor said that if I were to go into labor she wouldn't stop it. I am considered almost FULL TERM! My doctor confirmed Cooper is head down, but hasn't dropped at all. I'm 1 cm dilated, but not effaced. When this baby drops, then I will start effacing more. This is still more progress than I expected. I wasn't even a full 2 cm dilated when I went into labor with Carson so I'm hoping this baby will get things moving sooner and not later than July 29th.

This baby is growing so fast and is quickly running out of room in my belly. His movements have slowed down due to the lack of room, but when he moves I notice it, painfully.

I'm trying to stay busy and not get too cranky with the boys. I'm trying to walk a couple times a week with my mom, but today walking 1 1/2 miles was tough. My patience is wearing out, sleep is becoming challenging, and just moving around is uncomfortable.

I've been working hard to get baby things out of the attic, washed, and put out. Last Friday night I had lots of contractions and they were regular enough I was wondering if I would be heading to the hospital unprepared. By Sunday Tony had brought down all the baby stuff and I got Cooper's room all ready and set up. I also went shopping for the few things still needed; new binkies, bottle liners and nipples, and some nursing stuff for me. I still have quite a long "nesting" list, but none of the things on it is in any way vital to caring for a baby.

How far along: 36 weeks
Weight Gain: +2 pounds so 37 total! Pretty good for me!
Cravings: Chocolate and sweets
Contractions: Oh, yeah! I've had enough of them regular and strong enough to make me start time them and think about calling the hospital. My doctor said that they are helping make progress towards real labor.
Dilation/Effacement: I am 1 cm dilated, but no effacement. That gives me at least one more week to get stuff done and I go into labor
Good Moments: There are so many of them. Getting the nursery ready was a huge moment! It was so sad looking at all the clothes Colten and Carson have worn and outgrown. Another great moment was changing the calendar to the month I'm due in! I'm still loving every moment Cooper moves, even though they are often painful. I'm loving every time Colten and Carson want to feel Cooper move, ask if he's awake or asleep, or mention their baby brother. I'm sure it won't be quite as wonderful with a baby as the boys think it will be, but my heart melts every time the boys show their love for this baby.
What I miss: Being told how good I look, not being told that I look ready to pop! It doesn't matter where I go, strangers and friends alike give me the look that wonders when I'm going into labor. People tell me they're amazed I'm still walking regularly and going places with my kids. Even stranger is the look I get when I tell people I still have a month to go. Most people share the opinion that I'll go early. Even with being a little dilated early, I'm determined not to slow down for a couple more weeks. I'm not patient at the best of times, so sitting at home praying for labor won't help me.

35/35 and random mumblings

I am 35 weeks pregnant today, and while that in itself isn't that big a milestone, it does mean that I only have ~35 days left of being pregnant! To sit here and think that is a little scary! A very real part of me is SO looking forward to holding this healthy baby, but part of me is sad to have this experience end. I know, I've only been pregnant 4 times, but knowing this is my last one, I want to hold on and enjoy every last minute of it.

It's my first week of summer and I've let some of the "nesting" urges drive my motivations this week. Cooper's room isn't anywhere close to being ready, but I have gotten things packed up to go in the attic, and then some day this next week I'll get someone (Tony) to pull all the baby stuff from the attic and put the boxes of boys clothes up.

This first week of summer has also inspired me to organize all my maternity clothes and pack up all the things I know I won't be wearing again. I've also dusted lots of stuff and swept up the cobwebs. Other things on my list are cleaning out the lower kitchen cupboards, washing down the walls in the stairs, and dusting the baseboards. Anal I know, but since I haven't been motivated to clean this much in over a year, and I've got the time and hopefully the energy, I might as well let the clean me out. It will keep me busier than sitting and waiting for this baby to arrive.

I've hung out with the boys lots this week. We've gone walking with my mom and to the parade in Yelm this week. The warm weather has been so nice to send them outside to play. One of the most memorable moments this week was when they were playing "army" outside and decided that the best way to get the perfect camouflage was to rub dirt over their hands and faces (and of course their clothes)! Typical boys! Tony helped strip them down and toss them in the tub to clean up. They've also gotten caught up looking at the bugs and spiders with the magnifying glass.

The closer Cooper gets to being here, the more concerned the boys both are about how he is doing. They like feeling him move and constantly ask if he's awake or if he likes cookies or ice cream. Colten also asks if the baby is still alive and worries about if he will die like the last one. Carson was too young to remember me being pregnant before, but Colten remembers when I lost Taylor. It is nice that Colten worries, but I don't want him worrying too much.

Carson's latest worry is about spiders. He wakes up at least 3 times a night screaming for us to help him. He's been dreaming that spiders are crawling all over his head. It is really unnerving as a parent to hear hear the fear in his voice at 2 a.m. Nothing is working to help him. He wants the light on, and that is fine, but the biggest problem is that he likes to sleep with his "lovey" on his head and that is what he feels is the spiders crawling on his head. Like any 3 year-old, telling him rationally that the spiders aren't there doesn't work. I have no idea what we will do to try to get some regular sleep. I am so tired already from Cooper waking me up that getting up with Carson and trying to get him back to sleep each night is wearing on me.

At least it is summer; complete with mandatory 2 hour naps and lots of play time for mommy to rest.

34 weeks

There were no major calamities yesterday, so things were good at the doctor. Things are all still healthy, though if I eat lots of junk food I've discovered I swell up with water the next day and that it's not fun. In the last two weeks I've survived a 12 field trip with my 7th graders to Mt. St. Helens, and even endured the 5 hours spent on a bus getting there and back. The staff at school had a baby shower for me and I got lots of things to use, but mostly diapers and wipes, which will be used well by this baby. I should be writitng thank yous to everyone right now instead of writing this, but I'm a natural procrastinator. Nesting is really starting to set in and I can barely wait a few more days until school is out to start on stuff at home. I've got a long mental list, but the two things that are driving me the craziest are the cobwebs and the dust bunnies. It takes true resistance not to grab something and swipe them up. I keep telling myself that after Monday (last day of school) I'm free to clean at home as much as I can.

Sleep is becoming more and more difficult to get in long stretches. I'm waking up usually every two hours for something or other. Usually I need to pee, or Cooper has the hicups or is moving liek crazy. This last week it's been because I'm hungry at 2 am or when Carson has woken Tony and I up. Rolling over in bed is increasingly difficult, and I need to roll often because lying on one side gives me heartburn, but lying on the other side for long periods makes my back and sciatic nerve really hurt. Thankfully this next week I can start making up some of the sleep by napping when my boys do.

Stats for this week are:

How far along: 34 weeks

Weight Gain:+1 pound so 33 total. I gained some water weight with the swelling, but then lost five pounds over the next few days as I flushed it all out of my system

Cravings: Protein! I've been wanting cheese and ice cream, though chocolate is never turned down

Contractions: Lots of practice ones now, some strong enough to take my breath away. I'm not worried about them though. The worst ones are at night and wake me up. Not fun!

Good Moment: Feeling movement is still my best moments. It is uncomfortable some of the time getting poked in sensitive parts, but just knowing my baby is healthy and strong is reassuring even now. Colten and Carson love to feel Cooper move and like to talk to my belly and see it "grow" corners. Tony isn't into the baby thing really though.

What I miss: several hours of un-interrupted sleep in a row. I know it is supposed to be "practice" for when baby arrives, but I'm not only waking up, but then unable to return to sleep so I need to get as much as I can!

32 weeks and Glasses!

The boys wen to the eye dr a few weeks ago and it was discovered that he needed glasses. The glasses are mostly for reading or close work, but with some glasses and vision therapy, things will improve. Colten has his glasses now (cammo design) and it has made a huge difference in his reading already. Colten's been really good about wearing his glasses for schoolwork and puts them up when he's not wearing them. The only downer about his vision problems is paying for the therapy. It will take lots of green ($). There goes my summer savings.

I finally made it my dr yesterday for my check up. I was all ready to zip out of the lot right after school and discovered the lack of sleep finally caught up with me. I'd left my lights on and had a dead battery. I was lucky to have more wonderful coworkers and got a ride to and from the doc. I'm finally 32 weeks. I've got all my appointments scheduled up until my due date.

How Far Along: 32 weeks (two months left!)

Weight Gain: up 2 more pounds so 32 pounds total

Cravings: back to chocolate and goodies!

Contractions: Definitely getting some good ones. The practice ones I've had have been strong enough to make me catch my breath a couple times, but they don't last long, thank goodness!Good Moment: This boy had a growth spurt this last week! I can tell how big he's gotten in just a week. Now instead of having a nice round belly, my belly often has more pointy parts. I also got to talk with Colten about what the baby looks like and how big he's gotten. Both boys are excited about Cooper's arrival. Thankfully they are curious, but haven't asked the BIG questions; how did the baby get in there? and how does the baby get out? I can wait a long time before answering those.

What I miss: Deep breathes! I can barely breath sitting, but it is so much worse standing or moving around. The worst time is bending over to pick something up or tie my shoes. I need time to recover from doing the simplest thing!

30 weeks

How far along: 30 Weeks! Only 2 more months to go. It is amazing how little time I have left of being pregnant!

Weight gain: +2 pounds (so up 27 total) not bad for crazy travel eating and chocolate cravings

Cravings: chocolate still. The thing I can't do without now is Whoppers candy. Chocolate anything is good. My sweet tooth is still going crazy. Cheese anything is always good too.

Contractions: Sometimes when I'm tired

Belly Button: Definitely out, all the time now

Good Moment: So many moments, but the best ones were when my Mom and SIL got to feel my little guy move! It's awesome for me to feel this baby move, but even better or my mom and family to feel him.

What I miss: Breathing and sitting comfortably. It is increasingly difficult to sit at dinner or work and be able to breath or not get jabbed in someplace sensitive.

These last few weeks have been great, but this last week in particular was a turning point for me in this pregnancy. I got my first baby gift on Mother's day from a friend at church. I haven't given much thought to baby stuff because I've got almost everything I need and the school year is so busy I'm mentally putting off thinking about anything baby right now. I got the cutest diaper bag filled with a blanket, lovey, and book. It got me in the mood to pull out all the nursery stuff and start putting it together.

This last week I have stopped thinking "if I have this baby" and now it is "when I have this baby". I don't know what caused the change, but I suddenly feel that I know all the secrets of the world. I'm relaxed and love to just sit and watch my boys play. I marvel at how blessed I am as a mommy to have such great kids, and to feel the one growing inside me. As tight as I know things are getting for baby, I love to just sit and feel all the little feet, hands, and knees squirming and trying to make more room to stretch. I can't believe how this time is flying by. In roughly 2 months this guy will be here and life will be different again. How I can't wait for him to get here, but I know he needs all the time he can to grow big and even stronger.

When are you due? and the memories

I've been asked lots of questions lately relating to my pregnancy, but the one I'm tired (and yet not sick of) is "When are you due?" I know this is mostly because I've really popped lately and look to some ready to deliver soon. It is sad to tell people "the end of July" or "three more months" and see the reaction on their faces. I'm feeling really great and in my opinion, moving really well, but the waddle has started and I'm definitely moving slower and not bending down to pick things up as much.

There is a part of me that wants July to get here so I can have a healthy little baby, and yet there is another part of me that wishes I could slow down time and have more of it to thoroughly enjoy every kick and nudge this baby gives me. Knowing this is my last pregnancy (or should be) makes me ready to revel in each moment, and yet this time of year is so very hectic that I'm tired and worn out.

I haven't started putting together a baby's room or even pulled things down from the attic. I know I should do this now while I feel good and not a beached whale, but I'm holding out. I figure I'll need something to keep me busy this summer for the five weeks I've got until my due date. Putting together a room will hopefully take up some of that time for me. I also just feel the urgency to do it. I don't even want a shower until after this baby comes. I'm not yet registering, and while there are some things I do need to get, they are specific things I want to pick out (or tell my mom to get). Yes, I'm pregnant, but a part of me isn't ready to face lots of the memories with all the baby things. They are good memories of my boys, but there is also the memories of the grief I felt last summer packing everything away.

Sure, it's been over a year and a half since my miscarriage. I'm doing great and feeling great, and looking forward to having this baby this summer. But, there is always a part of me (and probably always will be) that thinks and wonders about if that baby had lived. The memories associated with my loss are strong and hit me at times out of nowhere. The worst of these is the songs I hear. I can still remember the song playing on the radio as Tony and I drove to that sad ultrasound. It played again (it was popular last year) on the way to the hospital the next day, and I sang it in my head to get through the pain losing my baby, at least until the good anesthesia kicked in. Hearing that song again, just makes me remember I'm a mommy to an angel this mother's day, as well as to two little boys here.

Colten's Party and 25 weeks pregnant

I'm combining subjects here. Colten had his 7th birthday party with lots of his friends over last weekend. It's taken me almost a week to get pictures uploaded and posted.

I decided to make things easy on myself for decorating the cake. I make a quad cake for Colten. I took one flat chocolate cake and cut cupcakes (from the school party) to make quad jumps and then put the quad on the cake. A little chocolate frosting and some green piping, and I was done!

Colten enjoyed having all his friends over and Tony and I enjoyed having a good party in less than two hours. The weather cooperated so all the kids spent most of the time outside on the trampoline or playing with the new presents.

I am officially 25 weeks pregnant! I think Cooper hit a growth spurt lately because I'm certainly feeling bigger!

Here's the latest stats for me.

How far along: 25 weeks

Weight gain: +2 so 20 pounds total. Not bad for eating what I want, not what's entirely healthy! I've certainly grown bigger. I'm even starting to out-grow maternity clothes.

Cravings: Gummy stuff. I don't really care what, but gummy lifesavers, gummy bears, gummy worms, etc.. are what I WANT

Contractions: Yes, but only practice ones. I usually get them at night when I'm finally relaxing for the night. I feel them, but they don't last long and usually go away after I relax for a while.

Belly Button:It's an outie, but still flat. I figure a few more weeks and it will be showing through my shirts though.

Good Moments: I've been getting sleep. I was in the store this week and bought heartburn medicine and ear plugs to help me sleep. The checker was being nice and asked me if I was doing anything special that night, and I said that I just wanted a good night sleep. She didn't seem to understand until I moved from behind the checkstand and she saw I was pregnant. Once she saw, she wished me luck with getting sleep. I had to laugh on my way out the store.

Next week I'll be down to less than 100 days to go until delivery! It just makes it that much more real being close to double digits. Last week I passed 24 weeks, the time of viability. Not that I think I have any chance of having this baby before July 29th, but I like the reassurance of knowing if I HAD to deliver now, my baby would have a good chance of survival and doctors would fight to save him.

What I miss: My cute but smaller maternity clothes. I'm getting close to the "mumu" and "tent" stage of clothes. The tops I didn't even pull out because they were so volumous before, I'm needing to pull them out now and wear them because they're comfortable. My pants are getting a little tight too, though I'm sure that's the gummy bears and not the baby making it that way.

23 weeks update and surprise ultrasound!

I am 23 weeks this week. I had my regular dr appt yesterday and all was well. Baby Cooper was as wiggly as usual, but the doc was having a tough time finding the heartbeat on her worn out doppler. She could find my heartbeat and see Cooper moving around, but couldn't get his heartbeat. I was fine with ending the appointment there, but she was on a mission. She offered to have me go over to the ultrasound room and find my stubborn baby's heartbeat there. I wasn't about to turn down an extra ultrasound, so over I went, following my doc.

I found out that Cooper was sitting head up, with his legs tucked up by his belly, with his back to the outside. I've been feeling lots of pressure, and it is from him pushing his legs against my back and his bottom pushing my belly out. This happens about a dozen times a day, so it seems to be the latest entertainment in-utero for my guy. My doc couldn't find the heartbeat because it was directly under my belly button. Since we didn't get any good profile shots last time, I got some pictures of him this time. It was really cool to watch him yawn, as if he were bored with everyting going on and wanted it over. Here are my stats for the last two weeks.

How far along: 23 weeks

Weight Gain: Maybe a pound, so I'm up 17-18 total, which is good for how far along I am. I think running out of Girl Scout cookies and jelly beans helped.

Cravings:Nothing really that I HAD to have. It's been nice.

Contractions: I added this one in because I've been getting random Braxton Hicks contractions. They are never repeatitive, and are more of my body telling me to slow down, drink some water, and put my feet up.

Good Moments: Seein my little guy again of course! I also love sitting down at the end of the day with my feet up and feeling the movement all over. It is fun guessing what way he is positioned.

What I miss: Being able to get up from lying down without doing some strategic shifting of my weight and a plan to get up without hurting something. It sure makes life with my boys interesting, but I love the recliner because I can get up so much easier.

21 Weeks

How far along: 21 weeks

Weight Gain:+4 (so 15 total I think)

Cravings:Everything! I've been so hungry, I've been waking up at night starving and having to eat something before I can sleep again. These last few weeks I've been enjoying lots of chocolate (probably why I gained so much) and with Easter close, Starburst Jelly Beans. No food that I have to have right then though. I'm still into comfort food as a trend. **Of course I went shopping after I wrote this and HAD to have the sourdough bread I smelled! I hurried home and had a big slice with butter right away. Soooo tasty!

Movement: I am loving feeling this baby move so much! Little Cooper is now big enough to give me a kick in the ribs! I'm able to determine mostly between a "roll over" movement and a "kick/punch". For the most part the movement is pretty regular too. My favorite parts of the day are right when I wake up, and when I sit down after dinner and I'm getting movement for almost 20 minutes straight! I was a little paranoid this last Wednesday though because I didn't feel any movement all morning long. I tried eating something sweet, poking/shifting baby, and relaxing with my feet up, but nothing worked. A quick trip to the Dr's office revealed that the baby was still well, and just relaxing.

Good Moments: Being able to use my belly as a "shelf" now! It is an extra convenience, though I'll detested it later on. Tony got to feel Cooper move this weekend and that was a great moment. I'm trying to be paitent and enjoy every moment of this pregnancy. As one of my fellow bloggers put it, "I want to cherish every moment and realize that the wonderment growing inside me is the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle."

My belly button has almost popped too. It isn't an "innie", but it's definitely not a full "outie" yet. It is interesting to watch the progress of such a small thing.

What I miss: My belly has grown big enough for me to get that "full" feeling too fast these days (then be starving several hours later) and I'm getting heartburn from it too. I usually don't get heartburn, and what I've got now is very mild, but it still is one thing I wish I didn't have. I would like my digestive system to return to normal, but I'll wait 5 months, then it will.

Significant Milestones

Several things happen this week (and in the last few weeks) that are mention worthy.

Tomorrow marks a significant milestone for me. I'll be 20 weeks pregnant. Why is this such a big deal you ask! Not only is it the 1/2 way marker for me through this pregnancy, but it is also the time that the term "miscarriage" becomes "still birth". For anyone who has never lost a child to miscarriage, the change in a simple term may not matter, but to me it is a big deal. It might sound morbid, but the change in terms means that if my baby were to die after this point, I would go through labor and birth. I would be able to see and hold my baby, to get pictures, hand and foot prints, and answers. I would have something to remember my baby by, instead of endless unanswered questions, bad memories, and a fuzzy ultrasound picture. (For those of you that don't know I had a D&C with Taylor. I was given a drug to start labor, then put under while my baby was chopped up and sucked out of my body into a collection bag. Not the kind of end I wanted for Taylor.) I know this baby is healthy and well (I get kicked often enough) but there will always be the "what if" factor for me. For the "what if" tomorrow is important to me.

Another major milestone is Carson's. I know I've said he's potty trained, but there were accidents, ok, lots of accidents. We were out of diapers, but the part of trusting him to tell us in time wasn't there. Since he turned three he has just grown so much, and not physically. Carson is not only completely potty trained, but he's dry ALL night too! Of course, he wakes us up to help him to the bathroom at 12:30 at night, but I'm not buying expensive pull-ups and worrying about leaks. Carson also moved up to the pre-school class for Sunday school at church. I was a little worried at first, but the teachers say he is doing great and was definitely ready to be there. Now he's ready for pre-school in the fall.

Carson has been talking, but these last few weeks he's just become even more so. Instead of answering someone, he is giving detailed descriptions of what he did during the day and even corrects me when I get some of the details wrong. I think the part he likes best is he is now able to describe all the things Colten does to him and get Colten in trouble. Carson can now boss Colten around and tell him off when he wants too! It is funny (in a hair-pulling, frustrating way) to watch the two of them go at each other with words. I don't think Colten cares for the better communication skills though.

19 weeks

I made it to 19 weeks! This last week has been very busy for baby and I. I don't really look much bigger, but I feel bigger. Here's the stats.

How far along: 19 weeks
Weight Gain: up 2 pounds (12 pounds total)
Size of baby: 9 ounces! Over 1/2 pound!
Cravings: KFC and mashed potatoes! Tony was nice and stopped after church last week so I could get some!
Movement: Lots of movement. I've even figured out the active and sleeping times. When I'm busy moving around, baby is sleeping. There's about an hour in the a.m., later in the afternoon, and evening, that I'll sit or lie down and baby will start moving like crazy!
Good Moment: Seeing the baby on the ultrasound! Baby is definitely a BOY and was very active! The tech couldn't even get me many good pictures baby was moving so much, which is why there aren't any posted. I'm measuring ahead and he has big hands and feet, long legs, and every part of him is healthy!
What I miss: Sleeping well. I sleep, I just dream such vivid dreams, it is like watching action movies all night long. Not restful at all. I'm hoping in a few weeks whenI'm back to teaching my brain will be mentally exhausted and my brain will just shut down at night.

Gender Q & A

I know only like 30 people bother to read this blog, but in thinking over the past few weeks, I've been bombarded by the same pregnancy questions, over and over. So I'm going to answer them here.

1. Do you know if you're having a boy or girl?

I had my "big" ultrasound yesterday and found out that it was obviously a BOY!

2. Were you hoping for a boy or girl?

I had mixed feelings. I would love a girl, but from the beginning I was pretty sure it was a boy. This pregnancy has been VERY similar to Carson's, so I was expecting a boy. I think that if I knew I was having a girl I would worry more. I've had 2 healthy boys, but have lost a girl, and Tony lost a daughter to Turner's syndrome (a genetic problem that affects only girls) so we're at 2 healthy boys and 0 girls. I know boys and have tons of boy stuff already too.

3. Were you disappointed it wasn't a girl?
I'm just thrilled that it is a healthy baby! I know of some people who are genuinely upset and mad that they didn't get a boy/girl like they wanted. Obviously those people have never experienced a pregnancy loss or they would enjoy the blessing of a child for what it is. Since I was expecting a boy, I'm not disappointed. Will I often look at my friend's little girls dressed up in cute girly clothes and wonder, yeah. I'll probably wonder looking at all the frilly holiday dresses when I'm shopping in the stores too, but nothing that I haven't felt before now. There are some definite benefits to having all boys. I won't have to deal with the hormonal drama I know I gave my parents daily while I was in middle school and high school. My boys don't care what clothes they wear, and I have plenty of hand-me-downs for them. Hair cuts are free for buzz cuts, and formal dances will be TONS cheaper! Tux rentals are quicker and easier by far than the endless quest for the perfect prom dress! I would love to have a girl, but it is more to experience the joy of raising a daughter, not a passion. I'm sure my friends that have only girls look at me and would like to experience raising a son.

4. Are you going to try for a girl?
No, we are not planning to have any more children. All the bedrooms are full (I know there still is that office, but we NEED it), the cars won't hold any more kids, and I am busy enough. This baby was planned because we have the room and to help me heal after losing Taylor. I was willing to take a chance playing "genetic roulette" to have a healthy child. I don't know if Tony and I can play the odds of having another loss. It could happen just as easily again, and the pain we've been through in the last year isn't worth taking that chance again. Colten was really bummed about having another boy. To hear it from him, "We only have boys, no girls," and he keeps talking about how maybe we'll get a girl next time. I don't have the heart to tell him there won't be a next time. That might get him thinking about how babies are made.

5. What is the name?
Cooper Alan is the name Tony and I picked out. All my kids are named after students and several years ago I had a student named Cooper and the name stuck in my mind. We had the name picked out several years ago for a boy and just had to find a middle name that fit.

6. Why did you choose to find out with this baby, but not the first two?

When we were pregnant with Colten we saw lots of people finding out the gender of their baby and then decorating the room in an explosion of gender specific stuff. With very little money, I wasn't going to re-purchase everything for the next child, so not finding out kept everything very gender neutral. Most people in my family also never found out the gender, and Tony and I decided we liked the surprise factor. Since this is our last, I wanted to know what we were having so I could sort clothes and get rid of some very boy things if it was a girl. The room is still painted green and I will re-use all the Noah's Ark stuff from Colten and Carson. And knowing it's a boy, I can keep all those adorable boy clothes a little longer!

Birthday boy's Buzz cut and 17 weeks!

Carson got a haircut the other night. It wasn't planned. Usually my mom cuts his hair but he's never allowed her to use the clippers. For some reason he liked our friend who was cutting her kids hair and wanted his cut. Five minutes and a few cookies later his hair was short. It's shorter than I'd like, but thankfully it will grow. Next time we won't cut it quite so short.

This is me at 17 weeks. Things are still going well. This week most of my co-workers started mentioning my pregnancy to me. They've been wondering for a few weeks, but this week the clothes I've worn have really made it obvious. I'm staying healthy and have plenty of energy. Still hearing a strong heartbeat, though it is a little nerve wracking at times tyring to find it for more than a few seconds. This little bugger moves fast and frequently.

So here's the stats for 17 weeks:

How far along: 17 weeks 1 day

Weight gain: 1 pound in last two weeks so 9 pounds total

Size of baby: Size of a mango (Yum!)

Cravings: Strangely enough comfort food! Last week I HAD to have KFC! I never eat KFC normally, but I always crave it when I'm pregnant! It was SO good to taste again! I topped it off with a chocolate Blizzard! Chocolate and good home cooking have been on the menu this week. Thank goodness all that good stuff isn't sticking to me much.

Movement:Yes! I'm getting very definite bumps and nudges. Baby C doesn't like it when I'm crouching or bending over for long. I was pruing my roses this last week and weeding when the weather was nice, and I was definitely being told to let baby have some room! It was great to feel!

Good moment: Hearing the heartbeat still is the best thing. I'm getting good at following the baby as it moves around. I did catch baby resting last night and got to just listen for 5+ minutes!

What I want back: I would love to sleep on my stomach comfortably again. I'm starting to need to switch from one side to the other and only wish I could sleep on my stomach for a while. It would be so nice. Wearing my compression hose isn't fun each day, but they do make a difference. I didn't want to battle with them today, so I left them off. I was teaching so I put my feet up and moved around lots, but my legs sure do ache. I'm back in them tomorrow for my workout!

Quick Update on Baby C

I am 15 weeks 1 day pregnant today. Can you tell I've grown in 2 weeks! Today is a big day because this week is the point that Baby Taylor stopped growing and died. Just getting past this week is a little soothing. I had a few small scares this week worrying something was wrong with the baby. One night I had really bad gas pains and they woke me up. I spent several hours freaking out, praying like crazy that the cramps would stop. I had another scare when I felt the baby sitting low in my belly, right on my bladder. I was so uncomfortable sitting and walking, but it brought back the same feelings I had last year.

The doctor said everything is going well. I said I was hungry ALL the time, and she said that's fine since my belly has grown lots. She had a tough time finding the heartbeat and I tried to stay calm. Once she found it, it came through fast and strong. The baby was just sitting low. I complained about my legs starting to ache, so I've now got the Rx for some attractive maternity support hose. Not normal pantyhose, support hose. I've had these before, and they make my legs feel good, but it takes 20+ minutes to get them on, even longer the bigger the belly gets, and they are NOT good looking. I'll wear them though if they keep the varicose veins away.

So here's the stats:
How far along:15 weeks 1 day
Weight Gain: +4 pounds (so 8 pounds total so far)
Size of the baby: about the size of an avacado
Movement: Yes! I felt a few soft kicks and flutters this last week. They aren't regular and seem to happen whem I'm supposed to be focused on other stuff, like teaching.
Good moment: There have been several of these! Feeling movement was great. Lying on my back and noticing that my belly has a definite curve to it! Last week my students began asking if I was expecting so now they are excited with me. I've noticed I've got more energy and am able to eat more so I snack less. The nausea still hits me at times, but not nearly enough to slow me down!
What I wish I could change: I wish I could get my underwear to fit better. I've never bought maternity underwear, ever! This time I've noticed it's getting tight fast, and I can't just push it down below my belly. The worst thing about this is that the underwear is irritating and causing me to get in-grown hairs where it rubs. I found one of these this morning, and it looks like a HUGE zit on my belly. NOT what I want to see and deal with.
Next appt: BIG ultrasound March 3rd, doc's appt March 4th.