A very merry Christmas to us all

The last month has been busy for our family, so here's some pictures to catch you up on what the boys have been up to lately.

Cooper catching a ride at the family Thanksgiving. Carson created a beautiful gingerbread house for his teacher this year.

Colten created a very loaded gingerbread house for his teacher. She cried when he took it in to her at school and wrote him a thoughtful thank you note. He was so proud of the job he did.

Our Christmas card picture for those of you who didn't receive one... sorry about that.

Carson was a camel in his preschool's Christmas pageant this year. He did a great job and was really excited. I wish I had better pictures than this, but the room was packed with people and he was one of the last students to go down the aisle.

We went to Corvallis to visit family for an early Christmas and Santa (aka: Uncle Mike) showed up. This was Cooper's first experience with Santa. He wasn't too impressed.

My big boys were excited about the pinata Santa brought them. They had lots of questions about if he was the real Santa and decided it must be one of his helpers dressed up like him. They are still believing in Santa so I'm going to let them as long as they don't ruin it for Cooper.

All three boys with my cousin Mandy, who's birthday happens to be on Christmas. The boys look forward to playing with her each time we visit.

Colten's turn at the pinata.

Carson's turn at it next. I held Cooper and tried to get him into swinging the bat since he normally loves to swing and hit things, but he didn't like this so I took his turn.

My mom made all five of us matching pajamas for Christmas Eve. They have reindeer tangled up in lights on them. The boys were so excited for Christmas morning, but even let us sleep in until 6:30. I was thankful.

Santa was out of Batman costumes, but he brought a great pirate one for Carson. Colten was a little bummed about not getting his Venus Fly Trap plant (that I drove around to four different stores looking for) but he'll get one this spring when they are in season.

Cooper is obsessed with all the ornaments. Both our tree and my mom's have been well kid-proofed this year.

My dad's latest creation in the series of wooden construction toys for my boys. This year was a side dumper semi truck.

My dad also made one with a "low-boy" trailer so the boys can haul all the previous years' creations to their constructions sites. It also gives them a different one so they can argue about who gets to use what one at what time.

Other gifts included a variety of Legos and Star Wars gear and books, Tony got me a Kindle Fire, though it is being well used by all of us, and I got Tony a skydiving trip.

'Tis the season for....

...depression.
I'm a victim of seasonal depression. It hasn't been very obvious the last few years. I'm familiar with depression, with the worst being the year following my miscarriage. What's not familiar for me is not having anything to be depressed about. The only thing is that I'm just not seeing the sun.
In high school and college I remember wanting to just curl up in my room and "hibernate" for several months. I would want to sleep 12 hours a day and could barely make it out of bed to attend work. I even had to drop a class once because I couldn't get out of bed to make the one class in January.
I didn't really notice this season's blues much until Tony mentioned it. But now it just keeps getting me down. I think the worst part about depression is that it is entirely mental, but affects everything. My emotions are all over the place and I over-react to even the smallest things. I know I need to exercise and that it will help, but just can't get myself to exercise. My self image is in the toilet and yet I still can't get the motivation to work out. I'm impatient and find myself "vegging" lots of the time. To sum it up, it sucks.
So what am I going to do about it? I'm hoping that once things stop being so busy in a week or two, then I can talk to a doc and see about finding some treatment. I just can't wait until the sun comes back out in three months. I've been there, lived that, and know that I can't do that again. Hopefully once I get a handle on this depression I'll feel more on top of my school work, and able to keep up with the kids. Hopefully you'll be seeing more posts soon.

Life in the woods

You know you live in the woods when you have a resident skunk. Last weekend our dog Sara got sprayed by the skunk, and everynight she's been whining and acting strange. Tony went out to call the cat in for the night and he saw an animal farther out in the yard. It was the skunk! It was stalking the cat and turned around and sprayed Tony. He said he heard it spray, but didn't think it got him until his eyes started stinging. Knowing the skunk was stalking the cat makes me wonder if that is the critter that caught our other cats, Bob and Wendel, that disappeared earlier this year. Tony's brainstorming ways to encourage the skunk to move on, or just disappear permanently and of course most of his ideas have something to do with a gun. Not sure what is going to happen, but I hope Mr. Skunk moves on quick.

It has been far too long

I keep meaning to write some blog posts, but blogging keeps falling farther down on my to-do list each month. My girlfriend Jenny is making an effort to blog a little each day, something I wish I could do. Maybe after the holidays. I've got to do something different or else no one will read this anymore.
For now, you'll have to make due with some pictures of our falltime activities. We were lucky this year to get all hand-me-down costumes. Colten loved being a "clone trooper" and Carson wanted to re-make his bat costume from last year into "Batman". Cooper got the boys old bear costume to wear. It sure made things easier for me.

Cooper is getting so big.

Our babysitter was awesome and let Colten have one of her big pumpkins to carve. I helped him get it opened up and he did the rest of the work.

Tony helped Carson carve his pumpkin. He wanted a "scary" face.

Colten designed and carved his own pumpkin this year. He was so proud.

All of us ready to go to trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Colten and Carson getting ready to fire off Colten's cubscout rocket.

Celebrating Mom and Ed's birthdays together.

Happy Angel-versary, Baby Taylor

Every year October 8th comes up fast and then it hits me...it's that day. Finally, three years after my miscarriage, I can look back and think about how my life changed. Three years ago I was dealing with this. That one day greatly affected my marriage, caused me to lose friends, to have to work hard to keep the friends I did have, to become depressed and wallow in my grief. I can see how much I've changed, as a mom, a wife, and teacher. I've recovered from depression and gone on to have a healthy pregnancy and child. I can say that I'm the happiest I've been since losing Taylor.

But...


Does a mother ever forget the day her baby dies? I get caught up a bit when I see little girls the same age as Taylor would be. Nothing really noticeable to others, but in my mind I stop and imagine having a child that age. And while I'm certainly not wallowing in grief today, I am taking just a few minutes to remember Taylor. Reading over the old blog posts brings back all those thoughts and memories, but today is for remembering the joy a child can bring, even if only for a short time.

Catching up: Tony and I

Tony and I celebrated our 11th anniversary at the beginning of September. We always said we would do something big for our 10th, but then we had Cooper, so then we talked about doing something big this year, but that just didn't happen. The biggest problem with an anniversary at the start of school is I'm so stressed out about the boys and myself starting classes, it's really hard for me to set aside time for just Tony and I to spend together.
My mom did keep all three boys overnight for me and Tony and I were able to eat a dinner out. We went to a Japanese place he'd heard good things about. The food was good, but it was a busy night with only the owner preparing sushi, his wife waiting tables, and a high schooler in the back washing dishes. The service was slow....very slow. It took us an hour to eat our food and both Tony and I were tired from working all day, so it wasn't the most romantic of nights. We spent Labor Day weekend camping at Belfair state park. It was busy with lots of kids, bikes, and noisy groups. But things did calm down our second night there so we did scope out some possible campsites for next summer.
I have to say I'm just happy to have had the opportunity to celebrate our anniversary this year. After everything that has happened, I know it is less about what we did to celebrate, and more important that we actually did celebrate eleven years together. Lots of people are wondering how things are going, especially since I haven't been posting much. Things have been going OK between Tony and I. There's lots going on with both our jobs and the kids that it isn't easy to stop and focus on each other. Tony's been moved back in since May, and we've gotten back into our routines. One thing has changed though; how we react to each other is different now that we've reconciled. Things that irritated us before still irritate us, but how we deal with that irritation has changed. It is easier for me to let the small things go and understand Tony better now. We're both quicker to think of the other person at times and we apologize easier and more sincerely to each other. Tony did a great job being at home with all the boys while I was at outdoor camp for a week. We've been able to support each other through our struggles instead of resenting them.
Like I said, not perfect, but we're making things work. There are still things we are morphing and working on, but I don't know of any marriage that isn't working on some aspect of it.

Catching up: The Boys

Now that the September panic is over with I can catch everyone up on what’s been happening in my life for the past month. There have been lots of milestones with the boys.

August 30th was Colten’s first day of 2nd grade and Carson’s was September 7th was Carson’s first day of 4-year-old preschool. Both boys have been doing well in school and are having a great time. This summer Colten was diagnosed with ADHD and we started him on some medication to see if it would help. While he still has issues, the medication has helped lots and homework isn’t such a battle anymore. Colten continues to get good marks on his assignments, we still need to work on reading fluency with him. Another new thing for Colten is he is in cub scouts this year. We went to the information night last week and our first official meeting was Friday. Saturday we helped the local Lions Club (the cub scouts sponsor) collect canned food for the Tenino food bank. This was Colten’s first time going door to door and he did a great job explaining who he was and what we were collecting. We got enough food to fill a banana box and then took it back to the Lions and got hot chocolate. At the next meeting we will be getting rockets to assemble and fire off at the end of the month! Colten is very excited for that.

Carson’s class visited the Tenino fire station last week for a field trip. He got to see all the trucks and ambulance and the firefighters gave all the preschoolers a bag with goodies and talked with them about fire safety. This next month Carson’s class will be going to the pumpkin patch to pick out pumpkins.

Cooper has had a busy month also. He now has seven teeth and the dreaded molars are starting to push through. We are still waiting on one last incisor on the lower left side, but I think that Cooper may just have a strange teething cycle. I’m sure we’ll be paying for it later on in his life with orthodontia. Cooper also got his first hair cut! I held Cooper and my mom cut his hair with the clippers. I thought he’d freak out or cry from the strange vibrations and noise, but he just laughed and giggled the entire time. He looks so much different with shorter hair. He’s a little boy and not my baby anymore.

Cooper has also started walking!! It started with just a few steps to my cousin while in Wenatchee, but now he his walking just about everywhere! What’s really interesting is to watch him try to run, but he doesn’t have the coordination for it yet. We’re all still waiting for any real words to pop out of Cooper’s mouth. He is getting more and more frustrated with the lack of understanding what he wants, and I’m hoping he’ll start talking soon so some of the tantrums can stop. I never thought I would still be nursing Cooper at 14 months. He just doesn’t want to give it up. He’s fine during the day while I’m working, and he did pretty good while I was at outdoor camp, but when I’m at home and he’s upset, he knows what he wants. He’s certainly not nursing for nutrition so I’m content to get snuggles a few times a day for now.

Tough choices ahead

One question every pregnant woman is asked is if she is going to breastfeed her baby. I've been fortunate to be able to breastfeed all three of my boys. Colten self-weaned at 5 months, Carson at 11 months, but Cooper is still going strong on nursing. I've been so lucky to have made it to one year nursing him, and he's a great nurser. He doesn't pull annoyingly at my shirts, doesn't have a name or word for nursing, doesn't nurse sporadically. He's really a great nurser. The only annoying thing is that he is still up at least two times a night.
So now that I've hit the major milestone of nursing for a year, everyone is asking me when I'll wean Cooper. It's a tough choice to make and it's one I haven't HAD to make with my other boys. Some changes are certainly going to happen to the nursing schedule when I return to work. I'm not going to be pumping bottles for Cooper any more which will be a huge relief for me because I now have more time to actually do my job and not stress about milk supply for the sitter. Another change is that the third week in September I will be at outdoor school for three nights, and while able to bring Cooper along last year, he isn't going to come up to camp this year. That is three nights of no nursing! I might sleep better at camp than at home!
I'm not sure when I'll completely wean Cooper. A part of me wants to wean him soon so I can lose the last ten pounds hanging on from being pregnant. I want to fit into my clothes again and not have to wear nursing bras and tops all the time. I know my husband would like to see me own my body again. But.....
I really enjoy the time I get to spend with Cooper. He's my last baby and a part of me wants to get every minute of snuggle time I can get with him. Once I stop nursing there is no other chance of nursing again. That part of my motherhood experience will be over. Forever. Don't know if I'm ready to force Cooper to quit.
What am I really hoping for? I'm hoping that once I go back to school Cooper will start to lose interest in nursing so much and will wean himself. It is sad, but easier if Cooper sets the pace.

One year later

Cooper Alan,
You are one year old today. You started out at 8 pounds, 6 ounces and have grown to 21 pounds, 4 ounces. You were a small 20 inches long, and are now 30.5 inches long. You've changed so much in the last year and it has gone so fast.

Cooper almost a year ago

Cooper last week

In the last month you have grown even more. New skills this month: waving good-bye, playing peek-a-boo and hide and seek, climbing stairs, and walking pushing things. You are *almost* walking without holding on or pushing something. You just need a little more time for some confidence. You really enjoy being outside and getting into dirt, rocks, or bark. You've only got four little teeth, but you will try and eat anything put in front of you. You aren't talking at all yet, which is surprising. You do have two older brothers to interpret and talk for you, but I'm eagerly waiting for you to utter even a simple "Mama" or "Dada" or even the dreaded "No". That is a word you know very well and despise hearing. You do manage to communicate with everyone around you through giggles, grunts, and the ear-slitting scream.

One thing that hasn't changed much in a year is your sleeping habits. You still are waking up several times a night for nursing and snuggles with mommy. It amazes me how much you've changed in the last year, and I can't wait to see the boy you'll become in the next 12 months.

My mom made the perfect cake for Cooper. He didn't know what to make of the candle so Colten and Olivia helped him blow it out.

One of the best things about a summer birthday: eat outside for easy clean up! Cooper sure did love the chocolate cake!

Camping trip #2- Dosewallips State Park

Last weekend the family went camping at Dosewallips State park. It is located up on Hood Canal. This place was a favorite campground of Tony's grandparents and it has been 10 years since we've camped there. I love that it has the river and beach all in view of the Olympic Mountains.

The boys all had a great time roasting marshmallows and eating s'mores. Cooper loved his first marshmallow, though it wasn't roasted.

Our second night there the ranger program was about fire prevention and the local group of national forest fighters brought their pump truck and gear. The firefighters even let all the kids have a chance spraying water with the hose. You can see the joy on Colten's face.

Smokey the Bear showed up at the end of the program and passed out goody bags and gave hugs to all the kids.

The river was running fast, high, and was very cold, so we didn't do much swimming, but we sure had a great time biking around the campground with the boys.

We returned to a BBQ at Ed & Melanie's. All the boys had fun with my cousins.

To-do-lists

I have seven days with only my youngest child at home. My two older boys are camping with my parents and I have some time to get things done at home. I figure if I post my things to do on the blog, then by publishing it I'll be more motivated to get it all done. I've been blessed with lots of hand-me-down clothes, but that means I take time to sort out the too-small clothes to store, get rid of worn out clothes, and unpack the bags of clothes they boys have had passed on from other family. It takes time, but now is the perfect time to do it so I know exactly what shape the boys wardrobes are in when gearing up for school clothes shopping.
I also need to sort through all the boys toys and give many of them away, take pictures of all Cooper's little outfits so I can start passing on the baby stuff, clean out and set up the guest room/office, put the new(er) dresser (thanks Lena) in Colten's room, move Colten's dresser to Carson's room, move that dresser to the guest room, and get rid of the old broken dresser in there. I also want to do some dusting and cleaning of the house, and of course I want to get some time to relax a little. I'm also wanting to catch up on my blog and get some pictures put in albums.
Lots to do, nothing but time.... but Cooper is still a pretty demanding baby so all these plans may just be plans. I'm hopeful for nap times and a cooperative Cooper for these next few days.

Catching my breath and catching up

School's been out for a week and a 1/2, but yesterday was really my first day of summer. Of course I was lazy and relaxed yesterday, but I realized I haven't updated my blog in a while. I've always looked forward to summer vacation as a time to sleep in, stay up late, and get all those projects done. It's also a time for me to visit family and friends and spend time with my boys. I know that summer started late for me thanks to those four snow-make-up days, but there is lots to catch up on. Last week was vacation bible school which I volunteered at, because if I volunteered, then Carson could attend. What did I do with the screamer (aka Cooper) you might wonder? I had him with me the entire time in the nursery. It worked out, but wasn't as great as I'd hoped because Cooper has some strange fever, but no other symptoms every day so he was super clingy. I wound up taking him to the doctor just to be sure I wasn't missing something, but he was all healthy, except for the fever. Naturally, the fever was gone the next morning and he's back to normal.
I'm pretty sure I posted pictures about our new kitten Blue, but the second week in June we adopted his brother Flash as well. Flash is all black but for a white spot on his chest. He was the last kitten left and our friends' dogs were scaring the poor guy and cornering him under their porch. So we decided to help him out and adopt him. He is so cute, but is still very skittish, especially around the kids and dogs. He remembers Blue and they are always wrestling and playing together. I happened to catch the cuddled up one time to get a picture. It's taken a while, but Flash is finally putting some weight on, though he is still smaller than Blue. He has also started snuggling with me in bed in the mornings. I didn't expect it at all, but he's a really sweet kitten and is becoming more settled in each day. Tony and I also bought a tent trailer to go camping in this summer (and hopefully many summers, springs, and autumns after this one). It doesn't look it, but it is big enough to sleep 5 people, has a kitchen and small bath. It also has a cargo rack on the front to hold our three quads. Tony and I were looking for a toy hauler (RV that holds quads) but were stuck because our jeep (which we're keeping) only tows a small amount of weight. All the bigger toy haulers were our of our price and weight range, but then we saw this. Being a tent trailer it is light enough, but still fits our size family. We took it camping over the 4th of July weekend with some friends and had a good time. There are still a few kinks to work out and some calls to the dealer to make, but over all it was comfortable. It isn't big by any means. The fridge, stove, and sink in the kitchen are tiny, but work, and the toilet works, but the shower is more of a sitting shower than a real shower. The biggest challenge for me was how to fit everything we need to camp into the small space in the trailer when it is down. I managed it and it'll get easier each time we camp. We've got several other dates for camping already planned later this summer and I'm hoping to schedule a few for the fall also. The weekend before the 4th of July our family went camping with some friends at their vacation cabin on the Satsop River. It was great for the kids to ride quads and play on the beach down by the river. Tony tried catching crawdads, since we'd seen tons of them there last time, but he only caught one. The boys also played in the dirt, played games, and were typical boys. I liked that Colten and Carson each had a friend their age to play with and do things with. It was also great to sit and visit with our friends. Things have gotten so busy these last few months for us.The boys enjoyed 4th of July at my parents house. My brother and sis-in-law bought lots of fireworks and had a great time setting them off. Colten was super into picking out which fireworks to set off next, but Carson was scared and stuck close to Tony and I. Cooper was scared by the noise, so he spent most of the time cuddled up with my mom or me while we were setting things off, then went home early with Tony and went to bed.

Tomorrow I'm leaving again for Oregon where my Dad's family is all (me included) walking in the Smith Rock 1/2 marathon. I'm pushing Cooper in the stroller for the 5k. The boys and I'll be back Monday and then we have a going away party for some friends, more camping, Cooper's birthday party, more camping, more camping, then school starts. I'm trying to find time to see movies I want (Cars 2 and Harry Potter) also sorting through all the boys clothes and getting more baby stuff packed up. I also need to get my office put back into a guest room and purge through my closet. So much for sleeping in!

11 months

Dear Cooper,

You are now eleven months old! This time your day coincided with the 4th of July. You decided the fireworks were too loud and went to bed early that night.

Many things you still do the same: you still get up several times a night to nurse, you race for the bathroom if the door happens to be left open, you love to play with everything your brothers have. You are constantly "blowing raspberries" so you often have drool dripping down your chin.

Some new things you do: you like to stand up in your car seat and look forward while mommy is trying to get you buckled up. Sorry, but you've got another year to go before you can face forward. You have started to babble and though words aren't understandable yet, you are talking using tone and volume to express your wishes. You enjoyed camping and was disappointed I wouldn't let you play in the dirt pile like your brothers. You also enjoy bike rides. You are big enough to sit in the bike trailer so we've taken several bike rides now that school is out. You really like watching the scenery and bugs. Separation anxiety has hit the worst it's ever been this past month. I love you dearly, but I can't hold you every minute of every day. You scream for me even when you just hear my voice or if I walk out of the room really quick. With summer comes fresh fruits and veggies. You really like peas, cucumbers, and strawberries, but mushrooms you don't care for. As the warmer weather hits, we'll keep trying things from Grandma's garden. You've stopped being scared of the grass and now enjoy crawling around to pick my flowers, though they don't taste as good as they look. Daddy keeps threatening to cut your hair it's getting so long, but I'm holding out as long as I can. You don't like that your hair is long enough to get in your eyes, but you don't mind it otherwise.

It's hard to believe that in less than a month you'll be one year old. That means I need to start planning your birthday party! Each day you show me how much a little boy you are, and how you're not a baby anymore.

Ten Months

Dear Cooper,
You are getting so big and at 10 months becoming less a baby each day. At your check up last week you were a big 29.5 inches tall and 19.5 pounds.
New things you've learned this month: how to stand alone and how to walk holding on to things are some of the latest moves. You've also learned how to "blow raspberries" and spray spit (and whatever else is in your mouth) at all those near you. You are getting better at talking and communicating your needs, though you haven't said any words yet, just lots of imitation babbling. Your favorite way to communicate is screaming at the highest pitch and loudest volume you can. You scream when you are excited, mad or upset, or just tired and cranky. This means you are screaming lots of the time. The worst place you scream is in the car. You used to cry and scream, and now you scream at your brothers or at me when I'm buckling you up. This makes car trips with you still interesting.
You still love to smile at everyone around you, though some of the separation anxiety is showing up more and more. Your doctor says that if you can eat Cheerios, then you should be eating all table foods. We've been trying to feed you table food, but you really just like the softer baby food. You are slowly becoming better at eating what we give you. Nursing is still your preferred way to be put to sleep, but you are getting better at putting yourself to sleep at the sitter's. You still call for me several times a night.
For months I've been trying to discover what your schedule is, and I finally figured it out. If it were up to you, you would like to sleep in until 8:00, then take another nap at 10:30, and then your afternoon nap at 2:30, then be up until bedtime at 8:30. The biggest reason it has seemed like you've had no schedule is because your schedule is the opposite of everyone else's. No wonder you're cranky on days when I've got to work! I'm hoping that with summer coming and you turning one soon your schedule will morph into a better one for next school year.
Baby toys only hold your interest for so long, you are really interested in what your big brothers are playing with or the electronics around the house. Your brothers do get tired of keeping their Lego's in their rooms and racing you to the door to shut it. You especially like your brothers' quads and we just couldn't keep you away from them last weekend. Baby boy, you are almost one!

Yet another boy in the family...

Several weeks ago Tony told me his friend's cat had had kittens and the boys really wanted one. I said that we could get one, even before our cat Bob disappeared. This week he was ready to come home and "Blue" joined the family. I love kittens and am a softy for them. It has been five years since we got our last kittens and similar to babies, I've forgotten how much work they can be. So far Blue has adjusted well to life in our crazy house. He was named Blue because he looks similar to a Blue Russian cat breed. He has soft grey fir and big yellow eyes. They boys have a great time playing with him and laughing at his antics. He sleeps in our room and howls if he doesn't have company. Our other cat, Wendel, is curious about him, but Blue wants nothing to do with other cats. Poor Wendel wants to be friends but has been ousted from his soft bed by a kitten a fraction the size of him. I'm hoping once Blue relaxes a bit more at night we can put him in the garage and let Wendel in for some alone time.

Blue loves to play and chase things. Right now he's avidly watching my fingers on the keyboard and pounces on them when they get close to him. My hands are covered with scratches; those baby claws and teeth are so sharp! He sure likes to snuggle too. I've woken up several times the last few nights with Blue wrapped around my neck. He purrs really loud when you snuggle with him too.

Today was Blue's first day outside at our house. We have to be careful with so many places for a kitten his size to hide or get stuck, and lots of dangerous critters at night who would eat him. Here's a few pictures I managed to snap before he attacked me.

I woke him up from his nap in this one. You can tell he wasn't happy about it.

He really likes batting at my flowers.

Gone, but not forgotten

This last week has been a sad one in our family. This morning Tony's grandmother and last living grandparent passed away. She was in a lot of pain and now isn't hurting any more. I'm grateful we were able to celebrate Mother's day last weekend with her. I remember Grandma was in a good mood, talking with the boys and smiling at Cooper, and running over toes with her motorized chair. I'm happy my boys had a last time to visit her and remember her. Grandma's health decline fast after the family get together and fortunately Tony was able to visit with her several more times before she passed. I have fond memories of time spent with Tony's grandparents; camping, talking "Survivor", and watching NASCAR. I'm so happy we lived close enough to Grandma that my boys could get to know their Great-Grandma. We've got pictures of Grandma holding all my boys so she will never be forgotten. She will always be remembered.
This last week our cat Bob also disappeared. Living in the woods is dangerous for a cat. We have cougars, bobcats, coyotes, even the occasional black bear, all of which love a cat lunch. Bob has always stuck around the house pretty close and especially liked being inside. With the warmer weather all the critters have been out and so the cats were wanting out more at night. Last Monday night Bob asked to go out, and didn't come back. Our other cat has been gone for long periods of time, but not Bob. We're assuming that he was lunch for a critter and won't be coming back. His brother, Wendel, is missing him. We're also getting a kitten (not to replace Bob) in a few weeks so that might help give Wendel some company. My boys keep asking about when Bob is coming home. It's hard to explain that he isn't coming home. They miss him so much.

3/4 of a year (really 9 months)

Playing "airplane" with Mommy is one of your favorite things to do!

You are busy chewing on things and the handle of the toy shopping cart is just the right height to gnaw on and work at cutting those top teeth!

Dear Cooper,

You are so busy and big now. New things going on this month: Teeth! You've now got two chompers on the bottom and you like to use them on everything! You have also started eating table foods, with the freeze-dried yogurt drops being your favorite thing to eat. You are now eating at least three meals of solids a day and still nursing several times a night. You've got it down to only one nursing a night, and this Mommy really likes that.

Your babysitter doesn't like that you only will go to sleep if you are rocked or nursed to sleep. Your sitter has been trying to get you to sleep on your own, and you are having nothing to do with it! You have sat in the crib and screamed for a long time, only to fall asleep within minutes of when I am to pick you up!

That's another thing you've developed this last month; your temper. You've never been a patient baby, and have always been very determined to get what you want, but you now throw full-out temper tantrums! If someone moves you away from the toys you are playing with, you will throw yourself back on the floor, arch your back, and scream at the top of your lungs. You would think someone was pinching you as loud as you scream! This makes things interesting when your brothers move you away from their toys, or take their toys from you.

You are wanting to move fast like your brothers that you are now very close to standing all on your own, and will even walk or "cruise" holding on to things. I love it when you let go to reach something when you are standing and then you almost get scared and grab on again.

You still have a very sporadic nap schedule. Sometimes you nap for hours, other days only minutes. It makes getting things done with you around a challenge. At least with the nicer weather (finally) I can sometimes convince you to sit in the stroller and watch me do yard work. Sometimes it works, sometimes you scream until I get you out. You like crawling in the grass, but it hasn't been warm enough to dry the grass so you can go after your brothers.

My little Coop, I so enjoy watching you move and change and grow. Keep growing, but don't change too much, too fast. Let your mom enjoy your babyhood for just a little bit longer.

a second chance

I know I haven't posted much lately about how things are going with my marriage. Tony and I have decided to try and give our relationship a second chance. We discussed getting back together when I returned from spring break and Tony has been spending more and more days and nights at the house with the boys and I. We're planning to move his furniture and stuff from his house back to my house next weekend.
It might seem that this is all of a sudden, but Tony and I never had a typical separation. We had separate houses, but we still stayed friendly with each other and were able to get along most of the time. Though we haven't worked out all our issues, the biggest ones have been mostly worked out. Only a few more things to discuss and work out, but for the most part we are doing better.
That old phrase about absence making the heart grow fonder, I never really believed it, but being separated for two months proved me wrong. Being a single parent is so much more difficult and I found I miss Tony as a partner dearly. It was much easier to forget our problems when we weren't living together. My kids dearly missed having their dad and our family together, but I missed Tony as a partner an we both realized we love each other very much.
This has been a stressful, exhausting, and expensive experience, but I'm not angry that Tony made the decision that let to this. Our marriage had problems and needed help. We're trying to move on from that it was, and instead rebuild our marriage into one that we can both be happy with and keep it going for another ten years. There's enough things to stress out about in our family right now that having my marriage back together just helps us support each other more. I'm happy, my kids are happier, and my marriage is getting better.

Spring Break 2011

Our spring break started at the train station in Centrailia, on the Amtrak to Albany, a few nights with my Grandma Montgomery, then a few nights at my grandparents in McMinnville, then home for Colten's 8th birthday party. Good busy fun for all