Why the internet is bad for paranoid mama

This entire pregnancy I've been waiting for something bad to happen. Not that anything has, I'm just constantly worried about everything; eating too much/little, getting enough sleep, feeling the baby move enough, etc... My last pregnancies I could sit back and relax and live for the moment I felt those flutters and be thankful for each one. Maybe it's just because this is in my mind my last baby, or I'm just being crazy, but instead of relaxing and enjoying the moments, I'm worrying. It's even keeping me up at night and I'm sure it's not great for my blood pressure. So I start trying to research what I should be feeling and doing on the Internet. There are so many websites devoted to pregnancy, but even more sites and blogs are devoted to lost babies. I resisted what I could, but wound up looking at some of those blogs. Not only did it freak me out about just getting to 40 weeks, but now I'm worrying about labor and delivery! Those of you who heard about my last one, you know the only thing I need to worry about is getting to the hospital in time! If I survive this pregnancy, I sure hope all this stress and worrying goes away, because I can't be stressed out with a newborn. I've never been a really worrying mom, but I can't continue stressing out about all the "what ifs" after I have this kid.
Our ultrasound is Wednesday afternoon and hopefully all will be healthy so that might help quell these thoughts I'm stressing over. We hope for a peak at if it is a boy or a girl this time too! Knowing my luck, the baby will be stubborn, just like its dad though.

New Job, Decade, and Baby

My husband found out yesterday that he got the job he interviewed for last week! This will be the first time in 9 years that he won't be working in the tiny town of Rainier! There were over 120 applicants, only five were interviewed, and my hubby got the job! He will be working in a neighboring town in the city's waste water plant. I know it sound stinky, but he's toured the facility and said it isn't at all. He starts in 2 weeks and since it is a union job, makes quite a bit more with excellent benefits and vacation time. His sick leave won't transfer over, so how he'll take time off when the baby comes will be interesting. The only bummer is that once he's trained, he will either have Friday/Saturday off, or Sunday/Monday off. It will make family time together interesting, but cut down on the babysitting bill.

I am only days away from entering my third decade of life. I've tried not to think too much about the approaching day, but it still sits on my mind. Everyone keeps asking what I want, and it's simple; not to fix dinner. My mom is walking her marathon that day, but is making a cake for me. My husband and MIL have put their heads together about what to do for dinner. I don't really care, as long as I don't have to do it. It is strange because I will no long be in my 20's, but 30. All of the girlfriends out there are rolling their eyes reading this because they've already surpassed this milestone.

Some students gave me the cutest little baby clothes the other day as a gift. They just couldn't resist the cute clothes at Target. It got me thinking about how I haven't really given much thought to the new baby at all. Other than a belly and boobs, life is as normal as could be. I'm not focusing on getting baby stuff out or getting a room ready. I haven't shopped at the stores or started a list of things I need. With my other two boys I was focused on my pregnancy and being ready from day one. I almost feel like I'm ignoring this baby and don't want it to be that way. I wanted another baby, but with Carson still in his crib with all the baby stuff there, I can't really get ready for the new one until we get him out. I just need to get my mind on the baby and stop losing sleep over ridiculous stuff.

14 weeks

Had a doctor's appointment today. I gained 2 pounds and the baby is healthy and with a good strong heartbeat. I'm even feeling a few flutters if I'm sitting just right. My next appointment is October 8th and I have my ultrasound then.
It's been a rough week at school dealing with all the planning for outdoor school. I've got another long night tomorrow night and am going to bed now. I'm exhausted!

Cooling off and mile stones

These pictures are from last weekend, you know, when it was 97 degrees outside and I have no air conditioning! A friend of Tony's has a nice big pool in their backyard and said we could use it on Saturday. They were around and their kids were in the pool, but all my boys loved cooling off. Colten even floated around by himself with his life vest and noodle and Carson loved being in the floater! Tony tried to use it as a reason why we should invest in a pool like this, but didn't convince me!
Other mile stones; I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I consider myself leaving the first trimester. I still feel yucky on days like today, even with the medicine, but that will hopefully change soon. I haven't gained any weight yet, though that will probably change soon. I've started liking chocolate again and indulged in my craving today. I'm always hungry, even when I want to puke, so I'll be eating more when school starts.
I start back to school next week with teacher meetings and setting up my classroom. I've been having nightmares about my class schedules and roster. After my principal overheard me telling another teacher about one, he went to the secretary and told her to switch my schedule! What a great boss I have! My weekend will be busy but I need to cram in some school work to be ready to teach my co-workers on Tuesday!
Colten got his letter from pre-school. He starts back to school on September 4th! He's excited to go back to a familiar classroom and teacher. He is also excited to go back to the sitters and see her boys there. The boy's first day at the sitter's is September 2nd. With me going back to work next week, I don't have to be at school as early as I usually like to be, so it gives Tony a chance to get back into the morning routine of getting the boys ready and out the door on time. While is stinks to be waking up early, it is nice not to deal with breakfasts, diapers, and dressing squirmy children. I just worry about myself and head out the door.
Carson has started saying words this last week. His vocabulary now includes: please, kitty, daddy, mama, doggy, bird, baby, and all done. It has been strange because all of a sudden he has started repeating things I'm saying, and though a little mangled, still understandable! Also, he now has all four molars through! I just happened to check yesterday and all four are there! Maybe that's why he was so cranky last week! Oh, well!

Ultrasound says...

There is only one healthy baby! I've tried to post the picture of the ultrasound several times but it just isn't working between computers and scanners. I'll try it again soon and add the picture in. We've got a really cute one. The doctor says that everything is great and has a strong heartbeat of 174 bpm. The baby is measuring about four days larger than my due date, but that we will keep the date as March 6, 2009. I've only gained 3 pounds so far! This is great, but once my appetite returns, that will change fast. We told Colten about the baby tonight and showed him pictures of the ultrasound. He seemed interested in if the new baby would be nice or mean to him, but is still thinking about if he wants a brother or sister.
The best news of the visit is the doctor told me to take Unisom to help me sleep through the night and for the nausea. The other night I tossed and turned for hours before falling asleep (even though I was exhausted) and then right at 1:00 am, I woke up and my mind was just running in overdrive. I was certain there was a swarm of baby spiders crawling under the bed and every time something touched me I freaked out thinking that it was a spider. I really wanted to wake hubby up and take apart the bed, but instead I sat and watched the time pass. I tried the unisom last night and fell right asleep. The dogs woke me up howling at police sirens at midnight, but I fell right back asleep. I was still kinda groggy this morning, but even better, the nausea is much better. I could actually eat and then go do things without crashing on the couch wanting to puke! I even had energy to get things done today and put the boys to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be even more productive so I can catch up on all the things I've been neglecting.
*Next doctor's appointment: September 10th.

Back from Camping

We went to our church's family camp this last week and just got back. The camp is in the foothills of Mt. Rainier and is really beautiful. It's not that far from our house either, so all the things we forgot when we packed in a hurry, we went back and got the next day. The weather this year was lousy though. It rained most of the time! Friday was nice enough for us to take the kids down to the lake to go swimming. It was Carson's first time in his swim shorts, and even though they are size 18 mos, he doesn't have enough butt to keep them up. He had a great time standing in the water and throwing rocks. Eventually he got cold and uncomfortable with rocks in his sandals and fussed. He cheered up with animal crackers though.

Colten actually went swimming willingly and wanted to go more, but it rained Saturday afternoon. He even remembered some of the things he learned in swimming lessons the last few summers. I don't feel as guilty about not doing lessons this summer now, knowing that he remembered something.

As far as the camping went, it was fun to visit with friends from church, but tiring. We didn't get much sleep and the boys were up all the time wanting to play.

As far as the pregnancy goes, I'm worse that before and praying for the next two weeks to fly by. I've never wanted to have summer over quickly before, but if it means I'll be feeling better, I want it over. I have my first ultrasound tomorrow and I'm actually nervous. I've never been this sick with a baby before, and though I tell myself everything is fine, I'm worrying about everything. I worry that there's no heartbeat, or worse, no baby, and even though this was the most unplanned pregnancy, I want everything to be healthy. I know my mom is anxious to find out if I'm having twins or not! She had a dream.... I'll scan in the ultrasound picture and post the proof tomorrow.

Missing My Oldest

Today my parents and Colten left for a ten day road trip camping and visiting family. They are going to a remote camping area in SE Oregon called Steen's Mountain. Colten's been excited ever since he found out several days ago he was going. I know he will behave himself and have a great time, but I still miss him. Dinner was quiet tonight and only having one boy to bathe and bedtime to do really leaves some gaps in the routine. It is nice because Carson goes to bed earlier than Colten, so I can escape and get stuff done, like paying the bills.
As far as the pregnancy goes, I'm feeling miserable. What was my bad days weeks ago are now my good days. I'm just trying to get through the next few weeks. The one thing I am thankful for is that while I feel nauseous anytime I eat, at least I don't throw up. That would be really rough. I'm not gaining any weight though, and I'm not eating very healthy. Whatever is in my empty kitchen and sounds good is what I have. This last week my diet was mostly carbs and cheese; quesadillas, mac 'n' cheese, ramen with cheese, etc... I hope when I feel better, I will start eating better, or I'll be gaining weight fast. Tony is worried that something's wrong, but I keep telling him it is ok. I think he just wants the next few weeks to go by fast so he can hear the Dr. say I'm healthy and fine and see the ultrasound. I hope these days go fast, even though they are my summer. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. One nice side benefit, my father in-law weeded and watered my flowerbeds today and my mother in-law cleaned the kitchen and fixed dinner!

The Crappy Days of Pregnancy

If you don't want to hear me whining, skip this post!
For all those girlfriends out their who heard me say I wanted a third child, I'm telling you, "No more babies after this!" Somehow I got lucky and don't really remember the 1st trimester of being pregnant with my oldest, and the 1st trimester of being pregnant with my second wasn't all that bad. I remember having problems cooking and/or eating meat of any kind when I was pregnant with Colten, but not being sick all the time. With Carson I was just tired and didn't want to eat. No smells really bothered me either time (other than meat cooking or cigarette smoke). This time, I'm only 7 weeks along and I've already felt sick for the past three! The worst part is just starting! No matter what I eat I feel sick after I eat it, and I feel sick when I'm hungry too! The smells bother me so bad I'm holding my breath to open the fridge, the garbage, or diaper pail.
I'm so exhausted this time too! It's like having the flu and being comatose on the couch the entire time while the kids wreck havoc all around you. I try to sleep at night and toss and turn, and can barely function during the day. My poor children are confused and frustrated with me and I just can't keep up. They want a mommy to play with them and watch them and all I want to do is close my eyes. The best parts of the day are when they are asleep (nap and bedtime) because then I can sleep too. My husband has been so wonderful through this. He gets the boys up and dressed in the morning, plays with them after dinner, and helps with the bedtime routine. He's even been a sport about the easy dinners I've been cooking since I don't really feel like eating. I'm sure he's sick of sandwiches and hot dogs. I'll try to make it up to him in three or four weeks when the worst is over.
The only good thing about these horrendous symptoms is that it means my body and the baby are producing the right hormones to keep the pregnancy going well. I just have to keep telling myself that it is good (is a strange way) that I feel like this and that it will get better, in three or four weeks. For now, my days consist of trying to feed and play with my children, lying down as often as possible, and eating only what sounds good to me. Thank goodness for my family and in-laws because they like to help watch the boys for some time so I can catch up on the dishes or laundry.
In other family news, our cat Wendel, whom we thought was coyote bait after being gone over a week showed up at the door this morning, a little skinny and pitch covered, but very alive. We think he might have gotten cornered up a tree and taken a while to get down. He is sticking very close to the house and to his brother Bob, who missed him very much. Hopefully this will inspire him to stay close to home. Tony and I had just talked yesterday about getting a kitten to keep Bob company since he seemed so lonely, but our prayers were answered and Wendel is home!

A new addition, part II

Ok, so here is the big news! Tony and I just found out that we are expecting a baby the first week in March. For those of you who are wondering, no this was not a planned blessing, but a big surprise. My exhaustion and flu-like feeling at the end of the school year was really my body telling me I was pregnant. Tony and I are still adjusting to the fact that we will have a third child just two years after Carson.
Yesterday was my first visit to the Dr. and the baby is due March 6, 2009. I am 4 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I was going to wait to post this information until later, but most of you who bother to read this already know. My appointment yesterday was really just a formality, nothing exciting happened. I didn't even see the Dr. and instead had my height and weight (scary sight) taken and spent the next 1/2 hour discussing my medical history with a nurse who isn't even married, much less ever experienced pregnancy! I had no questions and knew what to expect and what I should be feeling like, so after leaving some blood and pee behind, I got to leave. My next Dr.'s appointment isn't until August 12th, but they will do an ultrasound then, so it will be good. I did get signed up for the same doctor who looked after me when I delivered Carson, whom I really liked and respected. That is good.
So right now, I am always exhausted and feeling yucky! I'm not throwing up, but feel sick to my stomach after I eat anything, doesn't matter what, which makes me really look forward to eating more! Probably the worst thing about how I feel is that my favorite food, chocolate, doesn't appeal to me anymore! That is a really big deal if you know me! Instead, I'm really craving equally unhealthy foods like cheese. I've been living on cheese quesadillas with salsa and sour cream when nothing else sounds good. But for all you worriers out there, I have been eating my veggies!