16W 5D

Taylor has been gone exactly the amount of time she was with me. It is amazing how fast the past four months have gone. They haven't been easy, that's for sure. Thinking back, I barely remember being pregnant. I remember feelings and events that happened while I was pregnant, but I don't remember that feeling, the one of joy and flutters as the baby moves. I only had one short week of that back in Sept. before things went wrong. I remember feeling sick each time I ate, and how tired and impatient I was. I only wish I could feel that again.

If things hadn't gone wrong, I would be 36 weeks now. I would be deep into getting things ready and having Braxton-Hicks. I wouldn't be able to sleep from heartburn and I'd be worrying over getting everything ready for the arrival. But I'm not.

So I sit at home and remember what it was like to be pregnant, to feel on top of the world, like I've got the secret to life feeling that only an expectant mom can have. I want to feel it again, soon. Will I be to scared next time to enjoy that feeling though, or will I be too worried to live in that moment and enjoy all of it? I can only hope so.