Last day of summer

Today is my last day of summer. Monday I meet with my practicum student (student teacher) and start planning my school year. I don't have students in the classroom until September 9th, but just planning and thinking about school, means I'm back to work.

My summer at a glance:

• two camping trips, one to Ft. Flagler and one to Cascades camp
• two road trips with the kids, one to Oregon and one to Wenatchee
• day trips to the zoo and the Satsop river
• lots of walks with Kira
• lots of bike rides
• two weeks of swimming lessons
• plenty of play dates with the slew of friends

All summer long I couldn't help but compare this summer to last summer. You might wonder if I ever stayed home and just relaxed this summer. I didn't, and I was busy on purpose. Last summer I did nothing but sit on the couch feeling nauseous and tired. Yeah, I was pregnant, but I didn't like myself. I was angry all the time and it ate me up inside. I was angry about how I felt, what my kids and husband did or didn't do, at God for not following MY plan.

I knew I couldn't sit around this summer. Sitting around would give me too much time to stew about how I wasn't pregnant, I didn't have a baby to enjoy, and nothing was going according to my plan. So I traveled and played with my children. I've truly enjoyed this summer and had a great time getting to know my boys before they grow up. We have done so much and connected this summer in a way we certainly didn't last summer.

So I am planning to start the school year more relaxed than I did last year. I've accepted that my plan for having another baby is in the toilet and am waiting for God's plan to include a baby. I started summer sad that a friend thought she was losing her baby and sad that I wasn't pregnant, yet again, but I am ending it happy to hear my kid's laughter as I tease them and see their smiles riding bikes and picking wild blackberries for jam. I am in a much better place than I was this time last year. I'm happy, and I plan to stay that way.