Happy Birthday Great Grandpa's

This last week both my grandpa's celebrated birthdays. One turned 80 and the other turned 82! We spent lots of last weekend at McMinnimen's Edgefield in Portland. It was a great time. I'd love to post pictures, but getting them off my cousin's facebook isn't working well. They'll copy/past into a word doc, but not into blogger. Too bad, there were some adorable ones of the kids that my cousin took. My favorite is one of Carson helping blow out the candle.

Please pray

Tony and I just found out that Tony's grandma is in the hospital with pnumonia. Our family was just starting to get back to normal after Great-Grandpa's passing, and now Great-Grandma is sick. Tony's really worried and just left to go to help his mom. Please pray that grandma gets healthy and is able to go home quickly.

Something for the boys

Yes, that is a kiddie quad for Colten. Tony and I decided that the boys needed a quad to ride on the trails Tony is clearing on the lot and to ride with the neighbor kids. In a sense the boys get us more money back on our tax return, so why shouldn't they benefit from some of it. Tony did teach Colten to ride it in the yard. From a mom's point of view, it has all the safety features I wanted and has a dial down throttle so he can start out slow. Now my biggest worry is that my flowers will no longer be safe.
*** I know, all the girlfriends are thinking, "That is so redneck!" But imagine the fun your kids are going to have going for rides in the future!:)

A new stage..

Check out my cutie in his stylin' "Nemo" underwear! I think the "Cars" slippers just finish the outfit! I was pulling out the training pants thinking of getting ready for potty training this spring break and Carson found the pair with "Nemo" on them. He couldn't resist stripping down and trying them on. We haven't had any "hits" in the potty, but we've had great fun practicing pulling the undies up and down and sitting on the potty. I can only hope it will start to click soon and we will have more hits than misses.

The day of "what if"

Today was "The Day", the one any pregnant woman dreams about the minute she finds out she is pregnant. Today was my due date. I remember getting my positive test and being scared to death, but immediately finding out my due date (technology is so wonderful to have!) Today was the date that everyone I told wanted to know, that every mother anticipates with hope and fear, the date that will for ever be etched in my mind as the day of "what if..."
Because "what if" Taylor hadn't died? How would the rest of my pregnancy have gone? Would it have been more like Carson's (easy) or Colten's (with complications and induction)? Was Taylor a girl (like we thought) or a boy? Would Carson be sleeping in his new room and potty trained by now? How would Colten feel about Taylor? How would I have bonded with my friends over being pregnant together instead of avoiding each other?

I try not to get too caught up in the "what if..." of this. I could spend days thinking about the past, but need to live in the now and the future. I know my few readers don't want to continually be sucked into my grief, but because of today I will take time to think about where I would be if life hadn't changed so drastically five months ago.

From today on I can no longer think "I would be X weeks along now" each time I see a calendar or pregnant woman. I can only think "Taylor would be X old now if things had been different." It is such a change of mind, to realize that I can't wish I was pregnant with Taylor, because I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. Now I can only wish I was pregnant with a healthy baby.

My dear husband has been so very supportive through all these months. I know he grieves in his own way, but was sure he had forgotten what today was and would act like it was just another day. This morning he put aside his own grief and gave me the most thoughtful card and orchid. He said the most wonderful things in the card and I was so happy just to know that he is remembering and thinking about Taylor today too.

As for the rest of today, I don't have school, so we are going to go visit Tony's grandma. While Colten is at school and Carson naps I plan to transplant some flowers that have outgrown their space and look up the care of orchids online. I've never had one before and it wouldn't be good to kill it.

A sad day

Tony and I got the call early this morning that Tony's grandpa had passed away in the night. Tony was very close to him and took the day off work to help his mom deal with the details. Earl was an incredible man. He lived almost 90 years, was married for 66, fathered 6 children, who gave him numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Tony has very fond memories of him camping and fishing. I will remember a man who loved to tease me and play with my boys. He helped Colten feed the squirels peanuts and would make the cat crazy with the laser pointer. He will be missed very much by the people of this house.

Why I hate banks!

I normally bank at a credit union. There are no confusing forms and the tellers actually listen to what I want. Unfortunately the loan for the addition is at a bank, a big national bank. I have the payments for the addition automatically taken from the checking account. Two weeks ago I deposited money into the account and specifically asked for it to be in checking. Yesterday I received notices of $70 in overdraft fees. WHAT!?!?! After talking rationally with the bank teller, I discovered that I had filled out a savings deposit slip not a checking deposit slip (my CU doesn't require slips). So even though I specifically asked for the money to be in checking, it went to savings. I didn't check the account online because I was so busy and I figured the money was in the right place. Even though I begged to get some of the fees reduced, because it was my own dumb ignorance of the different forms that caused the lack of funds. It just frustrates me that I now have to double check the idiot checker (and myself) to get one payment made on time!