Looking back

One year ago today I heard my baby's heartbeat. It was the last time I knew my baby was healthy and well. Soon in the week that followed, the heart would stop and it would take three weeks for me to realize it.

I'm feeling really pretty good these days. School has started well and I've been trying to embrace relaxing and going with God's plan. I can't help but feel out of place though. So many of my friends and acquaintances are now pregnant, showing, and due in the near future. I'm so very happy for my friends, but feel very awkward around them. I hope it gets easy in the future.

First day of Kindergarten!

This is the picture taken this morning before heading off to the bus. Carson kept thinking he was going to school also, and was heartbroken when we told him he had to wait one more year. Colten had a great day and LOVED the three recesses and his lunch! The only problem was that the bus didn't stop to pick him up but he's now on the pick up list so he'll be picked up on Tuesday.

9 years

Today is our 9th anniversary! We've made it almost a decade! This last year has been a tough one with job changes, grieving loved ones lost, and the stress of work and family.

Tony and I enjoyed a dinner out Sunday to celebrate, but tonight he surprised me by making dinner for all of us. He brought home drinks and cheesecake for dessert for us! It was a nice way to celebrate. :)

Last day of summer

Today is my last day of summer. Monday I meet with my practicum student (student teacher) and start planning my school year. I don't have students in the classroom until September 9th, but just planning and thinking about school, means I'm back to work.

My summer at a glance:

• two camping trips, one to Ft. Flagler and one to Cascades camp
• two road trips with the kids, one to Oregon and one to Wenatchee
• day trips to the zoo and the Satsop river
• lots of walks with Kira
• lots of bike rides
• two weeks of swimming lessons
• plenty of play dates with the slew of friends

All summer long I couldn't help but compare this summer to last summer. You might wonder if I ever stayed home and just relaxed this summer. I didn't, and I was busy on purpose. Last summer I did nothing but sit on the couch feeling nauseous and tired. Yeah, I was pregnant, but I didn't like myself. I was angry all the time and it ate me up inside. I was angry about how I felt, what my kids and husband did or didn't do, at God for not following MY plan.

I knew I couldn't sit around this summer. Sitting around would give me too much time to stew about how I wasn't pregnant, I didn't have a baby to enjoy, and nothing was going according to my plan. So I traveled and played with my children. I've truly enjoyed this summer and had a great time getting to know my boys before they grow up. We have done so much and connected this summer in a way we certainly didn't last summer.

So I am planning to start the school year more relaxed than I did last year. I've accepted that my plan for having another baby is in the toilet and am waiting for God's plan to include a baby. I started summer sad that a friend thought she was losing her baby and sad that I wasn't pregnant, yet again, but I am ending it happy to hear my kid's laughter as I tease them and see their smiles riding bikes and picking wild blackberries for jam. I am in a much better place than I was this time last year. I'm happy, and I plan to stay that way.

What a difference a year makes

One year ago this week I saw my "summer surprise" for the first time. The baby was healty with arms and legs and a strong heartbeat at almost 12 weeks. My biggest worry that day was if I was having twins (my mom had a dream) I remember rushing over to my school right after the ultrasound and announcing it to my HR person and principals.

I clearly remember voicing my fears of a miscarriage to my doctor and clinging to the news that there was a less than 5% chance of miscarrying after seeing the heartbeat. Tony and I started telling all the world our news, having no clue how fast that would change in 6 short weeks. How I wish I could go back to that day and still have the innocence and joy I felt then.

another milestone met

I went with the boys for my first school-shopping adventure today. We also paired it with a $ movie at the mall theater so it wasn't all torturous. (I spent $3 admission and $9 for concessions!) We did manage to get almost all of Colten's supplies at one store and only need the clean/empty frosting container (we need to eat some soon) and the disinfecting wipes. I also found the boys some cheap, decent looking shoes, but nothing to jump up and down about. After the movie we went to Baby Gap where I used the gift card I've had since Carson was born to buy each kid two long sleeved shirts.

We venture into Penny's and they had Sketchers shoes on sale. I like them, Colten's had a pair for a year and they are still holding up well, so we looked. The boys did jump for joy at the sight of those shoes. I had only planned on getting Sketchers for Colten, but Carson found these white "Cars" shoes and was pitching a fit. I got him hooked on a light up pair that was only $10 more than the cheap ones, and both boys were happy. Carson HAD to wear his out of the store. He wouldn't even let the nice lady cut the tag off them.

Last stop was Old Navy and each boy got some jeans (they have slim ones for my butt-less boys!) and a couple long sleeved shirts. All the purchases have been put away in anticipation of the first week of school. I survived this year. I'm over budget, but I'm happy for hand-me-downs more now.

Summer Pictures

Colten saw these Jello heart faces in a magazine of his and wanted ot make them. The cheerios are the eyes and smile and the sprinkles are the freckles. It was too hot that week to make cookies so this was the perfect thing to make on a hot day.

Tony also took Colten to the Centralia air show and he got to sit in a coast guard helicopter. It was a small show, but great fun for Colten.

My boys finished their 2 weeks of swimming lessons.

Carson would get cold and fuss the entire time he was in the water. He finally stopped screaming and just cried the second week.

Colten did a great job and the last day of lessons jumped in without his teacher helping. We were proud of him.

We went camping at our church family camp this last weekend. The boys had a great time and made new friends. It was sad today because it was our last trip in our little camper. Tomorrow we are going to pull everything out, scour it out, and get it sold. It was a great trailer, but is too small for our family. With two boys, two fat dogs, and two adults, it is very tight to fit us in for the night. We are looking for bigger trailers to get for next summer. We have lots of time to save up and shop for exactly what we need.

High lights from camping: Carson being able to not eat food at meals, but mooch food off everyone else at camp, putting himself to "bed" and really sitting on our bed and pulling every wipe out of the new package of wipes and scattering them on our bed, Colten learned carpetball (think shuffleboard with carpet and billiard balls), he made new friends and taught them all how to use his stomp-rocket, which was the best toy EVER recieved!

The boys all went swimming, canoeing, bird watching, and hiking. They had a great time. It was hilarious to watch Carson try to paddle a canoe with a paddle twice as big as he was!

To the end of five great years in our little trailer.