kicking kaffeine!

I decided yesterday to give up caffeine, again. I've never been a big coffee drinker but with all the stress of the last four months I've been having a Chai tea or diet Dr. Pepper each work morning. I kept telling myself I'd quit sometime and that day was yesterday. I also rationalized that I only allowed myself one drink of tea or pop per day, and never after lunch. It hit me over the weekend how expensive this habit of mine was. The pop wasn't that expensive because I buy the big pack, but I was tired of feeling like I had to have something, not just wanting to. So I quit. It's been ok so far. No major headaches or anything, but I've noticed I sleep better. I'm tired and ready to sleep at night, but I sleep all night through. No waking up at 2 am with my brain over analyzing each thing to do the next day. The sleep is good because with trying to lose weight I've given up my before bed snack and have been eating smaller portions for meals during the day. That means that if I do wake up at night I am starving so much I can't get back to sleep without getting up and eating something. This no caffeine thing could just be better for my health and not just my wallet.

My days this week are some of the best since the miscarriage. I'm motivated, working hard, and getting work done, not just doing mindless things but not really working. I've needed to get stuff done because report cards go out Tuesday. I have only one last batch of papers to grade this weekend and then just entering the grades and comments on the report cards. The next round of my pet project reward program starts up again on Monday so I'm stressing to get all the paper work ready to print and copy that morning.

I still think about my baby daily, and still cry at small things, but the hurt and anger are fading slowly. Tony and I are keeping it simple this year for Thanksgiving and are celebrating with friends on Friday. I'm hoping to write Christmas cards this weekend and get gardening done also. I'm still anxious about going to church on Sunday, but I think I'll be nervous about that for a while. I shouldn't be nervous, but that is the place I am most anxious about going, not pregnant. Strange, but at least it's not the grocery store or mall, then I'd never eat or shop.