Saturdays stink!

I've decided now that Saturdays stink! I know, it's a day off; one to sleep in, relax, hang with the family, and get chores done. The last three Saturdays have been nights of misery for me. I'm fine during the day, but for some reason at night I break down and start crying. I don't know if it's the stress of the week catching up with me or if it's being home all day with no work to distract my mind. I don't' know which it is but I want it to stop.

My husband is at a Halloween party tonight. I know he was worried about leaving me at home with the boys. I told him to go to the party. Nothing he did would change my mood and he'd been looking forward to the party for weeks. OK, I was a little cranky. Who wouldn't be being sick and coughing, and Carson had been crying for 20 minutes, the entire time he was in the bath, and refused to eat any yogurt for desert. That would drive any mommy crazy, not just me.

I get to avoid church again for the next few weeks. Call me weak, but I don't' want to go alone tomorrow. With Tony being out late tonight, I just don't think I could handle facing all the bellies and babies alone without him. Next weekend, we are getting away for a four-day weekend to visit relatives, so I won't be at church then. The next weekend is my day in the toddler nursery. That means I won't be at church until the week before Thanksgiving. Tony thinks my reasons for not going tomorrow are ridiculous. He also doesn't understand why I am just angry at pregnant people in general. I know I should be happy for those people, but I just can't stand talking and seeing those people at church.

If things don't get better in the next couple weeks, I'll head back to my doc and talk with her. I'm hoping to hear this week about the genetic testing. Part of me wants to know if something caused my baby to die, to know the sex of it to give it a name, but part of me just wants to not know, not to have to worry with Tony about it being Turner's again, just to try to move on. I just want things to get back to normal.



Now, hopefully I can take some good cold medicine and sleep well tonight. Last night I was hacking and coughing all night. Tony slept in the spare room it was so bad. Not what I needed now.