like this one for my birthday. I was thrilled to recieve it because I had admired them and always wanted one. I was able to enjoy it for three days. I wore it to church and to school two days, all three days I was having light spotting. I haven't worn it since then. I just can't.The necklace is tucked in it's original box, in the bottom drawer of my jewelry box, waiting, just waiting for the time when I have three live children and can wear it. I just didn't think it would still be tucked away one year after my loss.
I'm just hoping I can make it through this week with my birthday and all the sad memories that surround it. I'm already an emotional crying wreck, and I'm sure it's only going to get worse as the days go on. Part of me would like to disappear for the week, or completely turn off all thoughts about what happened a year ago. I could do that, but I also feel that if there is anytime to open up my heart and mind to all the sad memories, and REALLY remember my baby in the right way, being sad and crying only reminds me how much I cared about Taylor.
1 comment:
Oh, Emily, reading this makes my heart hurt for you. I wish there was something I could do, but I guess that's the bitch of this stuff. There isn't really anything anyone can do, no matter how hard they try and no matter how much they want to make it better.
Dealing with secondary IF on top of everything else really is a bitch. Hopefully your doctor either figures something out soon or you can find a new doctor who can help. I've known an awful lot of people dealing with IF and I don't think I've seen more than maybe one or two who didn't end up pregnant in the end (and they weren't secondary IF people, either). Sometimes it just takes too damn long and too damn much money, but everyone seems to get there in the end. It's not fair, but I guess it doesn't seem to matter quite so much once you do get there!
Anyway, thinking of you.
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