Thwarted again!

I had plans to go to Christmas Eve service tonight, you know, the 7:00 candlelight service that was after Tony gets off work! But NO, I just got the email from church saying that due to inclement weather they are canceling that service but keeping the 5:00 one, but Tony gets off work at 5:00. So have I been to church all month? No, but I do keep trying, really I do. It's just this lousy weather that keeps messing up my plans. Hopefully the roads will be better by this next Sunday so I can attend the service then. I really like the advent services though! The candles, songs, readings, they always touch me in a way most other services don't. They bring me hope, usually.

This year, I don't know how they would have moved me. I've avoided the "bellies" at church for quite a while and I'm sure the combination of the "bellies" and a baby-centered holiday would have struck some sensitive cord in me.

I've come to realize that grief isn't just a difficult journey, it is a huge pit to climb out of, and every now and then a rock falls and smacks you in the face causing you to temporarily lose your grip. I lost my grip last weekend. I'm blaming the hormones and the holiday, but those are just excuses. I'm sure I'll lose my grip again some time in the future. Most likely on my due date and next October. All I can say is that even though I lost it for a few days, I'm stronger now and climbing even faster. My biggest worry is how deep the pit of grief is for me, and how long it will take to finish the climb.