Tonight Tony and I went out for my birthday dinner. You know, the one when he can't complain about the wait, the food, or the cost. It was his present to me. We went out to the Melting Pot for dinner. I've suggested going there before but Tony's always given me some lame excuse. Tonight I find out that he has always wanted to go there, but thought it was too expensive. Well, it is expensive, but now he wants to go there again. It was nice not to worry about the cost of dinner. Some of my birthday presents were money to put towards a dinner out like tonight. So thanks, it was very needed.
Tonight was one of the few times we have been alone and awake for an extended period of time. We talked about things that made me realize how hard this miscarriage has been on him. We both wish we knew the sex of the baby and what caused this problem. We're both nervous about getting pregnant again; Tony and his fear of going through another miscarriage, me and my fear of the miscarriage being my last memories of pregnancy. We did actually talk about having another and how we felt about that. It will work out, but it was good to talk about what's been going on in our brains for the last 18 days. Even some of the tears were welcome.
One of my fears about today was going to church. Well, I didn't have to face it yet. I finally fell asleep at 1:00, and Tony being worried about me fell asleep then also. Carson, being sick again woke up at 5:00 and woke up brother! That give the parents a total of only 4 hours of sleep! One thing Tony and I do well is team work with the kids. Tony took the first hour up with the boys and fed them. I took from 6-8 and kept them quiet so he could sleep. By 8, Carson was ready to go back to sleep since I gave him meds, and I put on a movie for Colten. I was able to go back to bed and sleep until 10. Tony got up at 9:30 when the movie was over and Carson woke up and play. Later I took the boys outside to run off their energy and fixed them lunch. It wasn't a lot of sleep, or all in one stretch, but I didn't take a nap today. Carson's already been up two times tonight, just miserable, so I've given him a dose of Benadryl to help him sleep. Now I just need to turn off the brain and get some sleep, if I can.
Tomorrow is a really busy day for me at school. Like usual, I brought home hours of correcting and papers over the weekend, but didn't even open my bag. I have all that correcting to catch up on tomorrow, my pet project to launch and present yet another part to the staff at a meeting, and yearbook pictures to upload from the Fall Festival. Hopefully I'll feel great tomorrow and be an alert, organize person without too much emotional baggage from this weekend.
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