A day of thanks

Each day is getting better for me. Today I got out of the house and enjoyed myself. I even forgot my problems for a little while. It sounds terrible, but when something bad like a miscarriage happens, it shows you how much people care about you. I'm the independent type of person who has never relied on having people around me all the time. The support Tony and I have had from friends and family these last few days has been truly amazing though. I just want to thank all the friends and family who have sent cards and emails of support, prayers, and love for us. I need to thank all the girlfriends for our play date this morning and not making things awkward at all. It was wonderful to forget my problems and just talk about our kids and husbands, not me and my dead baby. Thanks to all the people who have made us dinner and given us meals. It has been a blessing not to worry about cooking food on top of all else. Thanks to my school and the staff there. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful. They've even created lesson plans and ran copies for me. The flowers are beautiful too. The box full of papers to correct over this weekend will keep me busy and my mind off the baby.

Thanks to my children today for being cranky and needy enough to keep my mind and hands focused on them and not myself. Colten even asked so many questions in the car driving that I had almost no time to think to myself. Carson is teething and has been very clingy all day since he hasn't really seen much of me the last few days. It has been helpful to cuddle him in his misery because sometimes I've needed just to sit and rock a warm something back to sleep. He didn't nap well today, but I got 1/2 an hour of snuggles which was worth all the temper he gave later.

I want to especially thank my husband. He has been everything I have needed these last few days. He has put up with my emotional mood swings, gone away when I've asked, cuddled when I've wanted him close, and yet has never asked me for anything. He has taken care of the kids and myself, making sure I'm resting and not overdoing it. I know he is grieving, but he doesn't show it much. I wish I could support and help him with this loss as much as he has helped me. I just hope he reads this and understands what a wonderful man he is to me. Honey, it is just tough to put all these emotions into words, but I'll try to tell you all this in person.

Today was better and I'm sure each day that follows will get better. I can't say the day is good, but better is right. I got up this morning and got a shower. My eyes weren't so puffy from crying that Colten teased me about them anymore. I even managed to go most of the day with only tearing up at times, not spontaneous tear bursts. Until this afternoon, being tired, the George Strait song, "I saw God today," came on the radio and the fact that it was about the birth of a baby girl, I lost it there in the car. After that I've cried at the cards and flowers that have come in. But I'm recovering now with some good chocolate and reflection. You've got to love Almond Roca for therapy. If only I had a nice cold glass of wine, or not. I'm sure I'd be asleep before finishing this post.

Tony took Colten to the high school football game tonight. Tony might have asked if I wanted to go and bring Carson, but he knows how much I don't like football, much less standing outside on a cold (32 degrees) night to watch high schoolers I don't know pound on each other. So Tony bundled up Colten to go and socialize (it's a small town) and Carson and I are going to bed early. I just hope I sleep through the night. My doctor gave me something to help me sleep for a while, but it seems to work for 6 hours. That doesn't get me very close to the 8-10 I'm needing. I'm hoping it'll get better soon.

For those you praying for me, please also pray for Kathy. She is a friend of a friend, but just found out that she was having twins, lost one twin, and this last week lost the other. She is only 8 weeks along, but still needs prayer for her. She has had to go through the loss twice.