Two poems for my baby

I didn’t have to look into your eyes to fall in love with you.

I didn’t need to hear you cry to know you loved me too.

I didn’t need to hold your hand to cherish you for always.

Within my womb, we shared our hearts.

You touched my soul.You sweetened my spirit.

You gave me memories I’ll always hold dear.

Yes. My heart aches since you departed too soon.

But a mother’s love does not end with death.

For you are my child. Forever my love is yours.

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born,

That something stopped my heart,

I felt each tender squeeze you gave,

I loved you from the start.

Although my body you can’t hold,

It doesn’t mean I’m gone,

This world was worthy not of me,

God chose that I move on,

I know the pain that drowns your soul,

What you are forced to face,

You have my word, I’ll fill your arms,

Someday we will embrace.

You’ll hear that it was “meant to be,

God doesn’t make mistakes”

But that won’t soften your worst blow

Or make your heart not ache.

I’m watching over all you do,

Another child you’ll bear,

Believe me when I say to you,

That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you,

When you will hold my hand,

Stroke my face and kiss my lips and

Then you’ll understand.

Although I never breathed your air,

Or gazed into your eyes,

That doesn’t mean I never “was”

… An Angel Never Dies.

Today was a lousy day for me. I just felt down and out of it all day. I tried to sleep, but couldn't turn my mind and tears off. I've tried to stay active, but couldn't get motivated. I think my body has finally realized the baby is gone. I've been cranky and nasty all day, and started spotting again, just like a regular period. Tony I and actually talked about ourselves a little today. It wasn't just a passing of supervision of kids, but looking at each other, holding each other, and talking about how we are doing. He says he's so proud of how well I'm coping, but still, the tears just choke me up and once I start I can't stop. I think my biggest obstacle still to overcome is sleep. I've been getting 6 hours straight thanks to some prescription help from my doc. But tonight is my last one. I'm on my own after this. I've got to start sleeping better without help, or else I'm just going to keep getting more worn out and worse off. I can only hope that once I start work and exercising again that I'll be too worn out to keep my brain going at night. Hopefully tomorrow is better than today was.