Three months

It has been three months since I lost Taylor, 1/4 of a year has passed. So much has happened, I can think back and remember I was pregnant, but I don't remember the daily feeling of being pregnant. I wish now that I could; even the lousy days of exhaustion and nausea, I wish I had been happier then and simply reveled in the joy of growing a new life.

So....
How am I doing now? I'm doing ok. I'm sleep deprived and exhausted mentally and physically, but I feel it is a change for the better. I'm still working out and keep telling myself that the scale hasn't really moved because I am building muscle which weighs more. I don't really believe it but I still say it.

What do I want? To be pregnant of course, but I now see that mentally I need more time to move through my grief.

Things I still need to work on? Dealing with pregnant people better. Biggest irritations are seeing the "belly", even on complete strangers, but most difficult with friends. I'm also irritated by people complaining about morning sickness, heartburn, or lack of sleep because the baby is keeping them up kicking. Sometimes I wish I could yell at them and tell them I'd take all that and worse any day, just to have a healthy baby.
I also need to work on being a better wife and mom. I've been selfish and dealing with myself these last few weeks and need to pull my head out and focus on others.